Philophobia

Definition: a fear of love, falling in love.

Defining The Problem: Philophobia is defined as the abnormal, persistent and unwarranted fear of falling in love. Every year, the phobia causes countless people needless distress and so many abstain from getting emotionally involved. A restless feeling of being betrayed in love pricks you and unrests your mind. You do not feel emotionally secured in life. This eventually affects the quality of life and pushes you away from any sort of commitment.

Reasons Giving Rise To The Problem: You may fear rejection and that pose as a great reason of embarrassment that deters you from even getting involved with anyone.

I really think I may have a very mild case of Philophobia.

Well it's just gone past two in the morning and I had turned my computer off and then I realised I'm in a blogging mood.
I'm confused, the fact that you're acting different towards me. You don't normally say i love you first, you don't normally desperatly want to see me. Are you sending me signals or am I hoping too much?
I've been watching loads of NANA episodes a Japanese anime series, it's all about love. The main character Hachiko/Nana falls in love with someone called Nobu-Chan and they have the cutest relationship and Nobu says the sweetest things to Nana. It makes me so jealous of what they have, I would kill for something like that. A loving relationship so I knew that, that person would do pretty much anything for me and would love to spend time with me, no matter what we're doing.
Ever single day of my life I seem to wish for this, it kind of scares me how reguarly I think about this. I wish I was one of those people that didn't mind being alone, take things as they come not constantly wishing for things to happen.
I shouldn't be wishing, I should be out there getting what I want even though not everything will have the outcome I wish for.

Yet again another post about how much I want to fall in love.

I figured out the other day that it has been seven months since I started liking him, he has been made me feel extreme lows and highs for the past seven bloody months. I seriously think this is fucking crazy, like out of this world crazy.
It's horrible thinking that he has been able to keep me hanging onto him for this long, it doesn't make sense it's like I'm waiting for something to happen. But I haven't even told him, not even hinted that I've been hopelessly in 'love' with him for this long. I feel like a sitting duck, waiting to be hurt with everyday that goes by.
Cause I know I haven't followed advice from friends or even my heart, I've decided to be stubborn and not risk myself getting pummeled to the ground and laughed at by the rejection, in reality I'm waiting for it to disappear and play out, so I don't have to deal with any consequences at all, because that is what I'm most scared of.
I'm scared of love and rejection.

I really want to tell someone about this friend of mine but I don't want it to get back to her, so of course I've decided I must vent somewhere and here I am.
Well this friend of mine has a bit of a reputation for being a slut basically. I'm really strange when it comes to one of my best boy mates and how she acts around him, it annoys me because I've always had a little crush on him and he has fancied her before so she could lure him in.
They both came round my house yesterday and she kept lifting her top up, telling me to touch her bra right in front of him, laying on him, just basic flirting.
She did the same today, it's really fucking pissing me off.
She also get's upset about people accusing her of being slut, then stop fucking acting like one.

The reason why I go up in arms when you act all shallow about people is mainly because I'm insecure about my looks.
That may not make sense to anyone. It is the fact that I really don't think I have anything to offer boys, no boys seem to turn their heads when I walk by unless I'm with my best friends. I don't want you to be shallow because then I know that you don't think I'm attractive at all that I'm just that friend, that would never be thought of as more of a friend.
That is the real reason, that you'll never know.