Still in shock.

I just can't over the fact that Michael Jackson isn't around anymore, what happened was completely out of the blue. Me and probably everyone else in the whole world have been taken off guard.
I keep listening to his songs now, maybe just to keep him alive with me. The strange thing isn't I wasn't even a big fan?

On a lighter note! I had an simply amazing weekend.
Thea slept round cause we were off early the next day to go to THORPE PARK!
Here are some photo's;


I don't understand what happened to my hair :L


Lolol me in the background.


I went on this, it was freaking amazing/scary.
Saw-the ride, I was seriously shitting myself because it had scary inside bits. But it was pretty good. I got a photo of me, Thea and my big sister on it AND a DVD of our reactions on the ride, how cool I know!

Then I came home to a party, for our neighbours, I was too tired to have fun.
Today I went with Mother to get Work Experience clothes. Which is on Tuesday :|
I then went to Dad's house and played on Wii fit and then went to eat out, which was lovely.

I have tomorrow off, cause the Library isn't open for my work experience muahah. So tomorrow, I'm gonna lay in and do some coursework and chores.
I'll do an update of everyday for when I do go to work experience :)

seeezzzz yazz laterzzzz

Michael Jackson

R.I.P you will be missed by many of your fans across the whole world.
Music will never ever be the same again, without you there to contribute.

I am completely shocked to hear the news, it's like the same situation when Steve Irwin passed away. It's so sad.

I leave all my love with his family and friends.

Sports day

Was freaking amazing.
I love my school lot so much.






And there ya' go!
I will update properly one day >.<

SPORTS DAY

A DAY OF DOING NOTHING
I've got out of any events every year and as this is my last sports day I didn't intend to do any this year either.
Well it's a beautiful sunny day, EVERYONE HAVE FUN.

What a strange weekend.

Well how do I start this?

My weekend started so God damn nicely.
I was so excited about seeing everyone at the park and everything seemed amazing.
I went to Kate's house for a sleepover and got hold of a lot of alcohol got really quite tipsy. Had mega fun.
Me and Kate even round for a walk at 4am round our little town, it was pretty damn amazing. Two girls in their pj's at half 4 in the morning running round a deserted Tesco's carpark.
Then we fell asleep watching Lee Evans back at hers.

I woke up and so everyone else did around 10am.
Then I went home still in my pj's. Got ready to go out and met up with everyone again. (Thea, Kate, Nikki and Rachael)
To be honest the weather was complete and utter shit not the best for sitting around in a park. Plus the fact we had to run for the bus in the rain ¬¬

We went up the park and Thea suddenly decided she wanted some food. (There was like no one at the park at time).
So Kate and Thea went to get some food. While me, Rach and Nikki went down the hill and shared a bottle of straight vodka between us. Didn't do anything, so it was all good.

Then we came back up the hill and then suddenly a huge group of people arrived. Cameron and Mattie were also there.
Cameron came up to me and gave me the biggest, longest hug ever. It was amazing.
Me and Mattie ignored each other, I think it was too awkward since what he said was kinda whoaaaa. I wish I went and talked to him now ¬¬

We sat down again and it started raining so we started to walk into town and Thea and Kate turned up. Thea was obviously annoyed at us.
Mostly because of the alcohol.

Well basically walking back Amelia who was with her made a comment saying 'We're the sober kids'
And they all laughed. Pissed me, Rach and Nikki off. I know it wasn't much but it still hurt.

So us three fucked off without them, got some stuff then went back to the park.
We sat by ourselves.
Then they all came back into the park and sat with everyone else. We basically looked like loners.
I saw Mattie keep staring at me, I felt so bad and had a urge to go and talk to him because I miss him so freaking much.
He wanted to meet me today but as it was Fathers day I couldn't. I feel so bad ¬¬

So yeah we fucked off out of the park and went home early, Mattie still staring at me.
So yeah I felt like complete shit, everything was so fucked up. Another crap Saturday for me.
I wish people would give me a break.

Anyway so yeah, I kinda made up with everyone now.
AND YEAH BORED AND TIRED NOW.
How is everyone?

Big time whoaaa

Well last night I was just going about my business on the laptop and I saw that Mattie had left me a comment on Bebo.
And it read 'Jess must unblock Mattie, so he can tell you something important.'
So I was like uh okay...

I sat there staring at his name thinking does he really deserve to be unblocked. He treated me like shit when all I ever wanted was to be nice to him and be his friend, I've always been there for him 100%.

But I was like, okay I'll just unblock him and see what he has to say and then block him again. As I thought it was easier for me just to block him out of my life all together rather than try and fail with him.

So the conversation went like this; (It may be a bit long by the way).

Mattie: Hello young Jessica. (¬¬)
Me: Hi.
Mattie: I'm sorry for being a total nob kays.
Me: You say sorry and then it'll just go back to how it was again.
What's the point?
Mattie: But I have reasons, which I shouldn't tell you.
But I will.
Me: Okay?
Mattie: Like, the thing is. I need to push you away, because I love as you love me but I'm scared I'll begin to love you too much if you get me.
(Me and Mattie have had a thing before and he has never really got over it.)
Me: And why would that happen? I thought we got past the stage of like liking each other?
Mattie: I don't know Jess, it just happens and I want to tell you. But I'm scared that it'll ruin our friendship and shit. But I thought as you hate me right now I may as well go for it. It's like a 50/50 thing.
Me: It would never ruin our friendship and I don't hate you. I was just really pissed off.
Mattie: How come it wouldn't ruin our relationship? I thought it would be all awkward, considering you're over feeling the same way e.t.c.
Me: Because I wouldn't let it, I never feel awkward around you. So are you saying you did start to like me again? Or you were scared you were gonna?
Mattie: I think I'm starting too =/
(This is when I thought OHH SHIT.)
Me: But how can you? You never talk to me anymore, let alone see me.
Mattie: But it's just the feeling Jess. I listen to things and they remind me of you e.t.c and it's really weird.
Me: In a way that is really sweet.
(Made me go aawwww a bit.)

Skip a bit of the conversation..

Mattie: You don't feel the same why anymore do you? I don't think you do but just asking.
Me: You know what after that amazing day when we spoke for ages, just me and you I thought I did a bit. But now I don't think, sorry.
Mattie: I thought not. No chance of trying or shall I just leave it?
Me: I want things to go back to normal, but they won't will they?
Mattie: Hmmm I don't know.

Skipping a bit...

Me: If you want to talk to me again or not. We may as well stop now, if you don't want to.
Mattie: I do want to Jess, I really do. More than anything in the world.
Me: You think the solution to the problem is to push me away and blank me. It really hurt Mattie.
Mattie: I really wanna try and stuff believe me, But I don't know. I just think you think it's going to be a waste of time.
(Nice to know what he thinks of me, he didn't quite word that right :L, so I said this...)
Me: I don't get it why would I think it's gonna be a waste of time. You make me out to be a bitch.
Mattie: Sorry I didn't mean it like that. All I'm saying is everything deserves a second chance, cause Jess we know each other a lot more and stuff so I wanna try, it's up to you. I just want you to think.
(It's true when we first went out like a year ago, we'd only known each other for like 2 weeks or so. Now we know each other wayyy too well.)

Skip a bit moree...

Mattie: I just want this between me and you okay?
Me: Okay then.
Mattie: And I promise if you think this over and it's a no, we'll still be friends.
And if you do say yes can we keep it between us for a little while and just see how it goes.

I found this a bit strange but it kinda makes sense.
But I don't think I could ever think of him in that way again and if we did get together and split for some reason we won't be friends again and it'll be awkward.
Oh I don't know what to do.

Someone please help me decide.

Meaningless post

I honestly have anything to say, nothing important happening.
I've been feeling kind of empty lately, I think it's because of all this change occuring lately.
It's mostly because I've feel like I've lost two of the closest people to me.
Mattie and Cameron.
Well I was getting sick and tired of Mattie because he seemed to be awkward with me and my friends and kept ignoring us. So I was like 'THAT'S IT' and I told him to fuck off and I don't like how he has changed. There is more to the story as well that I may or may not explain.

Then Cameron, I still talk to a lot on msn and everything is fine and dandy with that. But ever since getting his girlfriend Jasmine I never ever see him for more than like 5 minutes on the weekends. I hate it, I truely do.
We used to be so close.

Oh yeah, Australia.
Amazing film, one of the most magical, amazing things I've ever since in my life. It made me cry so many times for so long you wouldn't understand. Because it would get really sad and then really good again. But the movie literally went on for ages and you thought it was going to end and then it would keep going. But I totally recommend it guys, please got out and buy it.

And Black Eyed Pea's new song I recommend! It's an amazing happy song, like you dance along to and have fun to.
I'm listening to it really loud right now and it's making me really happy.


Well I must be off to the place of nastinessdufbeogeewdsh, which is school.