I really want to tell someone about this friend of mine but I don't want it to get back to her, so of course I've decided I must vent somewhere and here I am.
Well this friend of mine has a bit of a reputation for being a slut basically. I'm really strange when it comes to one of my best boy mates and how she acts around him, it annoys me because I've always had a little crush on him and he has fancied her before so she could lure him in.
They both came round my house yesterday and she kept lifting her top up, telling me to touch her bra right in front of him, laying on him, just basic flirting.
She did the same today, it's really fucking pissing me off.
She also get's upset about people accusing her of being slut, then stop fucking acting like one.

The reason why I go up in arms when you act all shallow about people is mainly because I'm insecure about my looks.
That may not make sense to anyone. It is the fact that I really don't think I have anything to offer boys, no boys seem to turn their heads when I walk by unless I'm with my best friends. I don't want you to be shallow because then I know that you don't think I'm attractive at all that I'm just that friend, that would never be thought of as more of a friend.
That is the real reason, that you'll never know.

I feel weak, I feel shit without you.
Why is this suddenly bugging me?

The smoking, the sex, the talk of drugs, showing off in front of everybody. You're not cool or popular, you're going to be known as a whore, who's only enjoyment in life is having acigarette at the end of the day. That's not a happy live to lead. I believe that keeping your innocence and sensibility for as long as you can is good, something to be fucking proud of. It seems you want all of your innocence to disappear as quickly as possible, it doesn't seem healthy. Just for the pure fact to rebel against everything and seeming cool with a packet of fags in your bag.
And calling your friends 'goody two shoes' and 'geeks' to all of the people who you believe to be 'cool' is frankly horrible. I know the words aren't as offensive as others, but the fact you said that just because none of us smoke or do the things you do, is fucking sick. What happened to you?

I've scared myself. I had the urge to act differently with you today like I would with a boyfriend. I constanly wanted to cuddle you and lay on you.
I shouldn't be having these feelings, I'm such a douche.

Yeah, Since you went away hasn't been the same. In my heart all i got is pain. Could it be that i play the game, to loose you, i can't maintain. Sunlight moonlight you lit my life, realize in the night while love shines bright. Can't let you go we were meant for forever baby let me know.

Days passed without you can't forget you. Letting me be the cloud hanging above meRaining on me missing your touch. Nights get longer and it's hard to clutch. We're apart breaks my heart. Its all for the best girl, you're my world. In time my love unfurls, ‘till then wait for you girl.

Best bit of the best love song ever.
Koe Wo Kikasete/Let Me Hear Your Voice- Big Bang<3

I haven't been so powerful lately guys. Am I wrong in giving in and letting him back in my little bubble of loneliness? Which now makes my bubble not a place of protection; a place of paranoia, jealously and feelings of hate. It's not good for me, anyone around me.
I constantly start to think what if; which gets my hopes up. I start to believe in my immature fantasies. I get paranoid that you don't really want to talk to me, you think it's just a chore. I get jealous of every single girl you laugh with. I begin to hate you for it, but you've done nothing wrong, you're just being a guy. I get angry at you and you just don't understand. I'm just being a naive girl, with a hope of you falling hopelessly in love with me.