I feel weak, I feel shit without you.
Why is this suddenly bugging me?

The smoking, the sex, the talk of drugs, showing off in front of everybody. You're not cool or popular, you're going to be known as a whore, who's only enjoyment in life is having acigarette at the end of the day. That's not a happy live to lead. I believe that keeping your innocence and sensibility for as long as you can is good, something to be fucking proud of. It seems you want all of your innocence to disappear as quickly as possible, it doesn't seem healthy. Just for the pure fact to rebel against everything and seeming cool with a packet of fags in your bag.
And calling your friends 'goody two shoes' and 'geeks' to all of the people who you believe to be 'cool' is frankly horrible. I know the words aren't as offensive as others, but the fact you said that just because none of us smoke or do the things you do, is fucking sick. What happened to you?

I've scared myself. I had the urge to act differently with you today like I would with a boyfriend. I constanly wanted to cuddle you and lay on you.
I shouldn't be having these feelings, I'm such a douche.

Yeah, Since you went away hasn't been the same. In my heart all i got is pain. Could it be that i play the game, to loose you, i can't maintain. Sunlight moonlight you lit my life, realize in the night while love shines bright. Can't let you go we were meant for forever baby let me know.

Days passed without you can't forget you. Letting me be the cloud hanging above meRaining on me missing your touch. Nights get longer and it's hard to clutch. We're apart breaks my heart. Its all for the best girl, you're my world. In time my love unfurls, ‘till then wait for you girl.

Best bit of the best love song ever.
Koe Wo Kikasete/Let Me Hear Your Voice- Big Bang<3

I haven't been so powerful lately guys. Am I wrong in giving in and letting him back in my little bubble of loneliness? Which now makes my bubble not a place of protection; a place of paranoia, jealously and feelings of hate. It's not good for me, anyone around me.
I constantly start to think what if; which gets my hopes up. I start to believe in my immature fantasies. I get paranoid that you don't really want to talk to me, you think it's just a chore. I get jealous of every single girl you laugh with. I begin to hate you for it, but you've done nothing wrong, you're just being a guy. I get angry at you and you just don't understand. I'm just being a naive girl, with a hope of you falling hopelessly in love with me.

Yeah so I haven't used this blog in a really long time, properly. Which is strange because I wanted to have a place of thoughts where no one I knew could find them. I have been doing it on a more public blog where all my friends can see it. So it's nice to come to a place of loneliness, in a sense.

Well ginger guy; I've given in and we've started talking again, I text him all day today. Few flirty passes, nothing special. I really doubt it'll go anywhere, he doesn't seem completely interested and plus this girl seems to be getting nosey about it all which probably means she is after him too. Jealously will kick in soon enough.

He was meant to meet me the other day but bailed, that put me off a little bit. But he says he wants to see me. I doubt he will, mmm yeah.

I'm thinking about all this shit when I should really be worrying about how I've done no revision or coursework this week. Like none, I'm so bad. I need to finish all of my ict FUCK, forgot. I'll do it all on Friday, maybe.

Anyway, I plan to be back here for a little while now.

I've always had the smallest of crushes on you. You're like my best friend. But because of your littleness, beautiful hair, constant need to talk to me, your strange humour, how your always around me; I'm compelled to have a thing for you.

Since I met you I have. I would never admit this to anyone. People always suspect something going on, but their isn't anything really, I just have a thing that no one knows about. But when you mention that girl is hot, I get a small stab of hate and in return I hate myself for that because your not mine.

Yeah..