Still in shock.

I just can't over the fact that Michael Jackson isn't around anymore, what happened was completely out of the blue. Me and probably everyone else in the whole world have been taken off guard.
I keep listening to his songs now, maybe just to keep him alive with me. The strange thing isn't I wasn't even a big fan?

On a lighter note! I had an simply amazing weekend.
Thea slept round cause we were off early the next day to go to THORPE PARK!
Here are some photo's;


I don't understand what happened to my hair :L


Lolol me in the background.


I went on this, it was freaking amazing/scary.
Saw-the ride, I was seriously shitting myself because it had scary inside bits. But it was pretty good. I got a photo of me, Thea and my big sister on it AND a DVD of our reactions on the ride, how cool I know!

Then I came home to a party, for our neighbours, I was too tired to have fun.
Today I went with Mother to get Work Experience clothes. Which is on Tuesday :|
I then went to Dad's house and played on Wii fit and then went to eat out, which was lovely.

I have tomorrow off, cause the Library isn't open for my work experience muahah. So tomorrow, I'm gonna lay in and do some coursework and chores.
I'll do an update of everyday for when I do go to work experience :)

seeezzzz yazz laterzzzz

Michael Jackson

R.I.P you will be missed by many of your fans across the whole world.
Music will never ever be the same again, without you there to contribute.

I am completely shocked to hear the news, it's like the same situation when Steve Irwin passed away. It's so sad.

I leave all my love with his family and friends.

Sports day

Was freaking amazing.
I love my school lot so much.






And there ya' go!
I will update properly one day >.<

SPORTS DAY

A DAY OF DOING NOTHING
I've got out of any events every year and as this is my last sports day I didn't intend to do any this year either.
Well it's a beautiful sunny day, EVERYONE HAVE FUN.

What a strange weekend.

Well how do I start this?

My weekend started so God damn nicely.
I was so excited about seeing everyone at the park and everything seemed amazing.
I went to Kate's house for a sleepover and got hold of a lot of alcohol got really quite tipsy. Had mega fun.
Me and Kate even round for a walk at 4am round our little town, it was pretty damn amazing. Two girls in their pj's at half 4 in the morning running round a deserted Tesco's carpark.
Then we fell asleep watching Lee Evans back at hers.

I woke up and so everyone else did around 10am.
Then I went home still in my pj's. Got ready to go out and met up with everyone again. (Thea, Kate, Nikki and Rachael)
To be honest the weather was complete and utter shit not the best for sitting around in a park. Plus the fact we had to run for the bus in the rain ¬¬

We went up the park and Thea suddenly decided she wanted some food. (There was like no one at the park at time).
So Kate and Thea went to get some food. While me, Rach and Nikki went down the hill and shared a bottle of straight vodka between us. Didn't do anything, so it was all good.

Then we came back up the hill and then suddenly a huge group of people arrived. Cameron and Mattie were also there.
Cameron came up to me and gave me the biggest, longest hug ever. It was amazing.
Me and Mattie ignored each other, I think it was too awkward since what he said was kinda whoaaaa. I wish I went and talked to him now ¬¬

We sat down again and it started raining so we started to walk into town and Thea and Kate turned up. Thea was obviously annoyed at us.
Mostly because of the alcohol.

Well basically walking back Amelia who was with her made a comment saying 'We're the sober kids'
And they all laughed. Pissed me, Rach and Nikki off. I know it wasn't much but it still hurt.

So us three fucked off without them, got some stuff then went back to the park.
We sat by ourselves.
Then they all came back into the park and sat with everyone else. We basically looked like loners.
I saw Mattie keep staring at me, I felt so bad and had a urge to go and talk to him because I miss him so freaking much.
He wanted to meet me today but as it was Fathers day I couldn't. I feel so bad ¬¬

So yeah we fucked off out of the park and went home early, Mattie still staring at me.
So yeah I felt like complete shit, everything was so fucked up. Another crap Saturday for me.
I wish people would give me a break.

Anyway so yeah, I kinda made up with everyone now.
AND YEAH BORED AND TIRED NOW.
How is everyone?

Big time whoaaa

Well last night I was just going about my business on the laptop and I saw that Mattie had left me a comment on Bebo.
And it read 'Jess must unblock Mattie, so he can tell you something important.'
So I was like uh okay...

I sat there staring at his name thinking does he really deserve to be unblocked. He treated me like shit when all I ever wanted was to be nice to him and be his friend, I've always been there for him 100%.

But I was like, okay I'll just unblock him and see what he has to say and then block him again. As I thought it was easier for me just to block him out of my life all together rather than try and fail with him.

So the conversation went like this; (It may be a bit long by the way).

Mattie: Hello young Jessica. (¬¬)
Me: Hi.
Mattie: I'm sorry for being a total nob kays.
Me: You say sorry and then it'll just go back to how it was again.
What's the point?
Mattie: But I have reasons, which I shouldn't tell you.
But I will.
Me: Okay?
Mattie: Like, the thing is. I need to push you away, because I love as you love me but I'm scared I'll begin to love you too much if you get me.
(Me and Mattie have had a thing before and he has never really got over it.)
Me: And why would that happen? I thought we got past the stage of like liking each other?
Mattie: I don't know Jess, it just happens and I want to tell you. But I'm scared that it'll ruin our friendship and shit. But I thought as you hate me right now I may as well go for it. It's like a 50/50 thing.
Me: It would never ruin our friendship and I don't hate you. I was just really pissed off.
Mattie: How come it wouldn't ruin our relationship? I thought it would be all awkward, considering you're over feeling the same way e.t.c.
Me: Because I wouldn't let it, I never feel awkward around you. So are you saying you did start to like me again? Or you were scared you were gonna?
Mattie: I think I'm starting too =/
(This is when I thought OHH SHIT.)
Me: But how can you? You never talk to me anymore, let alone see me.
Mattie: But it's just the feeling Jess. I listen to things and they remind me of you e.t.c and it's really weird.
Me: In a way that is really sweet.
(Made me go aawwww a bit.)

Skip a bit of the conversation..

Mattie: You don't feel the same why anymore do you? I don't think you do but just asking.
Me: You know what after that amazing day when we spoke for ages, just me and you I thought I did a bit. But now I don't think, sorry.
Mattie: I thought not. No chance of trying or shall I just leave it?
Me: I want things to go back to normal, but they won't will they?
Mattie: Hmmm I don't know.

Skipping a bit...

Me: If you want to talk to me again or not. We may as well stop now, if you don't want to.
Mattie: I do want to Jess, I really do. More than anything in the world.
Me: You think the solution to the problem is to push me away and blank me. It really hurt Mattie.
Mattie: I really wanna try and stuff believe me, But I don't know. I just think you think it's going to be a waste of time.
(Nice to know what he thinks of me, he didn't quite word that right :L, so I said this...)
Me: I don't get it why would I think it's gonna be a waste of time. You make me out to be a bitch.
Mattie: Sorry I didn't mean it like that. All I'm saying is everything deserves a second chance, cause Jess we know each other a lot more and stuff so I wanna try, it's up to you. I just want you to think.
(It's true when we first went out like a year ago, we'd only known each other for like 2 weeks or so. Now we know each other wayyy too well.)

Skip a bit moree...

Mattie: I just want this between me and you okay?
Me: Okay then.
Mattie: And I promise if you think this over and it's a no, we'll still be friends.
And if you do say yes can we keep it between us for a little while and just see how it goes.

I found this a bit strange but it kinda makes sense.
But I don't think I could ever think of him in that way again and if we did get together and split for some reason we won't be friends again and it'll be awkward.
Oh I don't know what to do.

Someone please help me decide.

Meaningless post

I honestly have anything to say, nothing important happening.
I've been feeling kind of empty lately, I think it's because of all this change occuring lately.
It's mostly because I've feel like I've lost two of the closest people to me.
Mattie and Cameron.
Well I was getting sick and tired of Mattie because he seemed to be awkward with me and my friends and kept ignoring us. So I was like 'THAT'S IT' and I told him to fuck off and I don't like how he has changed. There is more to the story as well that I may or may not explain.

Then Cameron, I still talk to a lot on msn and everything is fine and dandy with that. But ever since getting his girlfriend Jasmine I never ever see him for more than like 5 minutes on the weekends. I hate it, I truely do.
We used to be so close.

Oh yeah, Australia.
Amazing film, one of the most magical, amazing things I've ever since in my life. It made me cry so many times for so long you wouldn't understand. Because it would get really sad and then really good again. But the movie literally went on for ages and you thought it was going to end and then it would keep going. But I totally recommend it guys, please got out and buy it.

And Black Eyed Pea's new song I recommend! It's an amazing happy song, like you dance along to and have fun to.
I'm listening to it really loud right now and it's making me really happy.


Well I must be off to the place of nastinessdufbeogeewdsh, which is school.

Baz Luhrman

Is the most amazing director ever.
I've seen most of his movies so far and now watching Australia.
So far of I've seen of it, it's really amazing.

I also love Nicole Kidman to be quite honest!
Moulin Rouge is the best I've seen so far of course!

Oh how I love movies at the moment.

:/

I wish I could say I'm a positive and happy person most of the time, but the truth is I'm really not. I'm sorry for the misleading and confusion the fake smile causes people.
I'm not worth the trouble.

Trips to the forest.

It was actually really nice my camping trip this weekend.
I spent a lot of time with my neighbour Jack which was strange, but it was nice.
My highlight of the trip was fighting for glow sticks in the dark, amazing fun :L

I took a load of pictures as well:


There was some beautiful views.


We had a fire, roasted marshmallows and everything!


Me, my sister and brother.

OH AND..



MY CHICKENS ;D
Most adorable things everrrrrrr.

Camping

I'm off to camp again with my family and my next door neighbours oh the fun! ;D
xoxox

Primary school love.

I actually feel like I've gone straight back to Primary school.
Well last night I decided to tell Jake all of those feelings I explained in my last post over msn and I just felt so childish. I shouldn't have to do this over msn, it's so immature.
But he then said he didn't realise and that he is sorry, he kept saying how he really does like me.
I wouldn't reply as I was annoyed. So he said he would call me if I didn't reply and I was like OMG NONONONONO. What is wrong with me I'm so immature!? We could of sorted it out by phone, would of been much much easier.
But I just said I don't really want him talking to me anymore and so on. But yet he still is ¬¬

And now guess what?!
His best friend tells me over msn like a primary schooler he likes me in that way and that he thinks I'm a great girl. How freaking great. HIS BEST FRIEND.

Now if I do go to the u-18's night. I'll be scared to see Jake and David (best friend). I don't think I'll go, I'll go to the next one until it all cools down and goes away.

EVERYTHING IS SO HETIC.

Jake follow-up

You know I started to fall for him and I really did.
He decided to get a girlfriend after my realisation I did like him.
'Danielle' was her name and I say was because he broke up with her Saturday night.
I asked him why and he just said 'I have my reasons.'
So then he decides to call me and constantly go on web cam to me again. Like I was just a back-up or something, if you get me. Most girls know the feeling.

But all of a sudden in a space of a few days all of that attention has just completely and utterly stopped. Nothing ever, no texts/calls/msn. I feel like I've just been tossed a side like I'm no good anymore. Like he's got everything he can out of me.
I've been trying to talk to him again, I get like nothing out of him.
Why do boys always want to make themselves out to be dicks to me, I thought he was kind of something else. But he really wasn't.
I should of followed my first judgement of him a flirt, a player, a girl-user. Gets satisfaction of having many girls going at once.

I'm now sitting here listening to 'You could be happy'-Snow Patrol. One of the most adorable songs I've ever listened to nearly in tears.

I want to swear boys out of my life forever. I even said to one of my closest friends last night I'm not going to bother with boys for a while I don't want any new ones coming into my life either. I hope I'll stick by that, they are the main reason I get upset and cry every night.

I'm looking at his name on msn right now and shouting at it 'TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME'
Even clicking on his name, getting ready to write something and then stop and shouting 'TALK TO ME' again.

It's not worth it, I'll get over it.
I always do I've gotten good at it by now.

Another relationship failed due to my foolishness.

Mmmmm

Last night I was not a happy girl, due to the fact it was my Grandma's birthday and she passed away 3 years ago and that everyone really didn't seem themselves last night including me.

Then I looked outside the sky was this orangey pinky colour merging together it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen the pink light was shining through my big windows. It was so beautiful I started to cry.
I had no idea why I cried exactly but it was nice, everything was just building up.

Well I woke up this morning in a bad mood as well, but I won't have many people around to get on my nerves, as they are on a school trip. Just me and Kate today :)

OMGOMGOMGGGGGGG

CAN'T WAITTTT :)

^^

Happy birthday Nikki! I love you.

Science

I have a science GCSE exam tomorrow!
And I've barely revised. They're well important and like go on your CV and stuff for jobs.
I'm not gonna do well.
But tonight and today I'm gonna revise all I can. I need a good grade in science. I already got an A* on my coursework so it's going well.

AAAHHHH!

fuck

I think I'm starting to fall for this Jake.
I just can't seem to stop staring at him when we are on webcam together and ahh fuck. I don't wanna like him.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

How can I stop this guys, please?

Let's just say

I wasn't happy last night. For many reasons.

- This Jake guy is getting to me, he is a big flirt and a bit of a twat but I kinda don't want his crush thing on me to stop but I know it should cause I shouldn't lead him on. I must talk to him about it all before I fall on my face.

- My best friend Cameron has just fucked off cause of his girlfriend Jasmine. I feel like I've lost him already and I really don't like it.

- I'm scared I have feelings for my friend who's name I won't mention because I don't want to admit it might be true. I hope this blows over.

):

My stomach feels like its swelling from the pain and upset I am feeling right now.

To follow up

with this situation with Jake.
I met up with Thea and Kate yesterday and decided to talk to Thea about him. She had no clue as to what had gone on. She said she really, seriously doesn't like him.
I didn't believe her but she said no really I don't. But I don't think I'm gonna do anything about it cause I don't think I really like him in that way.
I told them that he wanted to meet up with me and a different park and they were like go Jess and I was like nono.

We met Mattie and Cameron (+ new girlfriend) and Thea and Kate left me with them to go see Jake and stuff.
I went for a walk with Mattie and we had an amazing chat with him it was amazing, I love Mattie so much.
Then Kate and Thea came back and told me Jake was stoned as, I was so glad I didn't go. Never knew what he would of tried.
Mattie said if he would of laid a finger on me then he would of gone crazy, bless him.

So then me, Thea, Mattie and Kate chatted for ages.
Kate cried cause of her twat boyfriend D:
Then Cameron and Jaz (girlfriend) found us and we had to leave. I didn't want to leave cause I had an amazing day!

Now I am back at school and it's shite! But only 7 weeks till summer holidays :D:D
How is everyone hanging?