Someone

My feelings for you are growing by every word I say to you.
I want someone to love, I want someone to give kisses and cuddles. I want someone to make me giggle and smile so much that I never want it to stop.
I want someone to come round my house and have dinner with my family. Someone I can trust.

I'm sorry

Blog of mine, I'm very sorry. I don't really use you anymore as I've migrated to LiveJournal.
I would lie and say that I will try post on her more, but that is a silly lie. I might every now and again like now but LiveJournal for the moment is my home.

Sorry! If you want me to keep posting here, leave a comment. That would give me motivation to do so.

Not Naming Names

I miss you.
Sometimes I think about the relationship we had and how it sucks we have drifted so far apart. There is just nothing there anymore, I even miss the stupid fights we used to have because I used to get so upset about them, knowing that it was because I cared about you so much.
I wish you didn't take a step back in my life, you gave me laughs and a strong friendship. We could literally tell each other anything and I loved that you trusted me. A person like you who had many friends and who is genuinely popular. I do still love you, just don't talk to you for whatever reasons this is, not sure.
When I next see you, your getting a mega hug.

Doomed

Oh my gosh. You're so sweet, adorable and flirt with me which makes me fall for you even more. Kill me now.
I'm doomed, there is no going back now..well for about 2 or 3 months.

Can my personality of falling for people easily like subside just for a while?

My Trek Home

I was listening to the whole of the Fightstars ablum, Be Human on the way home on my beloved iPod.
As I was turning a corner a sudden burst of pixie like drops of rain started falling it startled me, I felt a stab of confusion, despair and loneliness not sure why. I looked up in the sky to see the sun still shinning brightly.
I looked into the sky wanting to catch these tiny droplets of water on my face, it made me breathe a sigh of relief.

But once again I felt confused and lonely, so as I was walking home by myself I began to cry.
Still not sure why, I was still crying as random people passed by and must of looked like a right idiot.

But this was the most confusing walk home, I've ever endured. Relief yet loneliness.

Cold People

Isn't it funny how one person can make you feel like the only person who is important to them, the one person they can share laughter and secrets with and then turn their back immediately in the next five minutes for no reason.
Literally feeling the freezing cold radiating off their shoulder.

What makes humans so judge-mental and want to hate people so bad for no reason.
It makes me really upset the thought of some people having the urge to be harsh to other people, we all have feelings. I've been through it many times, it makes me feel like I'm nothing, I'm worthless.

But I always love these people, with everything I have. Just give me a break okay?


(I'm elaborating on the for no reason by the way!)

Embarrassing D;

Embarrassing moments.
How do I sum these up... Well basically they make me want to literally die. Sometimes I think about these embarrassing moments and cringe at the thought of them.
I don't like doing this, it makes me remember when I was stupid. I don't feel like feeling stupid, just like everyone else.
One of these memories of being embarrassed sticks out like a sore thumb.

I must certainly not going to tell you what it is, false hope right there.
But, when I do think about it I do realise how truely stupid I was, I was wrong and I know I hurt two people in the process of this. The one year anniversary of this is coming up soon and it's going to be like cringe, cringe, cringe.

This memory is a mix of an embarrassing moment and heartbreak.
I still feel bad and I wish they could understand.

You get me?

A familiar noise

Today I heard a much familar noise. The noise of birds beautiful song, but as they are on a warm, sunny day.
It reminded me of times in Australia, on the warm sunny evenings when the birds are still out and singing songs when they actually should be in their nests.
It reminded of evenings in my hometown with my friends, messing about as usual and hearing these birds and feeling comforted because you know if the birds are still out, it doesn't matter if you are.
Contradiction?

It reminds me of warm feelings that sadly I do not feel right now. I feel darkness, sadness.
I wish I could feel the warmth of happiness, love..

Someone provide me with these feelings, don't make me feel sad anymore.
It's these crushes that make me feel like this, maybe I should really stop looking for 'love' and let it find me. No matter how long it takes, I should take a seat back in this 'love life' of mine.

I love how I go off the subject completely.

Friendships and Hardships.

Breathe in, breathe out. Let's do something different.
Inspirational lyrics.

Makes me want to go out and do more. Be free, stop going to the old park and town. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
Let's get all the pennys we have together and go on a train to a new town and meet new people.
Create new friendships and love. But also keeping the old relationships in the process.


Memories that will last till our days of pensions and walking sticks.
New love that will have a lasting impact on the rest of your life for the good.
Friends that will do anything for you, all the cliches you can think of.

Just don't let go, of all the memories and connections with have now, cause in the future we will be making new ones with maybe you or different people. We may forget because our brains are so little we can't squeeze all these amazing memories in one little organ.

Am I making sense?

Loss

I lost one follower makes me sad that I'm not satisfying the readers of this blog.
Give me idea's? At the moment I kind of have writers block it's horrible.
I'll think of something.
PROMISE

Ditching

I'm kinda ditching this blog for LiveJournal.
But I prefer this blog anyway so I have no idea why?

Well right now I just can't stop thinking about this firey haired boy and I can't wait for maths tomorrow to see him, hehe.

Loss of respect

Okay so I saw my friend do something I shouldn't of.
She has been with her boyfriend for a whole year and then I see her kiss some other guy while I was kind of, sort of spying on her with my other friend. How bad does this sound.

Fuck, what do I say.

HARD WORK PAYING OFF

My wage for the month is £100 they have now given it a raise as I'm working so hard.
I'M SO EXCITED FOR PAYDAY!

Strangers

This is what I shall name this photo, how I was feeling when I took this photo, we barely know each other anymore yet I know you so well...



How confusing and artsy fasty do I sound?

Anger

I really need to control my anger sometimes, I just got angry at my friend Kate for no reason and hung up on her while she was talking to me.
She's meant to be coming round to my house later on as well. :S

I'M AN IDIOT.

A little thing

I have a little thing for this ginger guy in my maths class, I love talking to him, kinda makes my heart flutter AND him and his girlfriend recently split.
I might start worming myself in his life, hehehe. Let's see how this goes >.<

Gimme some lovin'

Where is the love for Jessica?
I never seem to get a break when it comes to love. If I do find someone it just ends badly or they don't like me back.
There is no point in me trying. Maybe I should stop looking and love will find me? I really hope so.

Unhappy

It's not nice hearing the person you kinda like rant on about all these girls he likes is it really?

Aboard

I really want to live in Hong Kong or Tokyo. Or even the chance of visiting those places would be amazing. Just the thought of those places make my mind wonder and what incredible places they are.
I've recently really realised (alliteration MUCH?!) that England and where I live is pretty much crap and I just want to travel the world and meet many people from different cultures.
I wish I knew every language in the world, cause then I would become a translator so I could travel to these places, but saddly I'm crap at languages. So that plan is fail.

I was looking at a brouchure for college today! Excited, yes I am :D
Just get me there now!




p.s i love reading the comments, i'm getting! keep them coming, thank you!

Talent.

I wish I had some kind of talent, like drawing/painting or even singing.
I'm actually not good at anything specific. Someone give me something I could try out and become good at and gets lots of money? >.<

Well on a different note I have a job, should be getting £80 a month :D and I'm just really happy. YAY.

What will it take?

For you to notice when I'm upset? To be able to say sorry even though you have no idea what you've even done.
Lose this pride and this stupidity. Be there for me, care.
I just want you to do one thing, love me?
I can't even work up the guts to tell you all of this, I'm coward and I want you to figure it out for yourself.

10 Followers! ♥

Thank you so much everyone!
For the comments and following me, it's amazing. I really apperciate it.
Spread the word of my blog :)

Thank you again ♥

Sucker for sweet talk.

I'm not saying who this post is about.
I don't want these feelings to be confirmed, but I know deep down they are already confirmed.
I think I do have feelings for you, whenever I realise that you will always like her more than me, I feel a sharp pain of jealously right in the stomach.
I need and want your love.
Whenever your not around me I feel like I don't have fun and I can never stop thinking about you.
I want to hurt you all the time, shows how much I want you to care and tell me you love me but she will always come first.

I just want you to know I love you dearly and you mean a lot.

Piggy in the middle

Yes in the title I refered to myself as a pig. But I am literally playing piggy in the middle with the complaints of two friends.
Nicole on one side shooting insults at Kate on the other side who is not so innocent as she makes out to be.

I can't take all this fighting and being in the middle of it. I try to stay neutral but then one of them makes me angry, I hate best friends fighting. But they just can't seem to stop.

Someone help me.

My photography.

Opinions? Anything I could do better?

My homie ♥

This guy has been there for me whenever I needed him, he always makes me laugh and his cuddles are the best.
Even when he saw me on webcam crying he felt helpless because he wanted to do something and begged me to stop being sad. He shows that he really does care.
I hope he never walks out of my life like the rest of these 'best friends' (yes that was a snipe, lol)
Peter you're one adorable, incredible guy and I'm always there for you okay?



He'll never read this but I just had to mention how amazing he has been lately.
Oh and seriously isn't he the most adorable Asian you've ever seen?!

My weekend alone.

My parents and siblings went camping and I had the house to myself for a whole two nights really shows that I'm starting to grow up.
But I was glad to see my parents car in the driveway this morning, I missed them just a bit :)

Trust

What does it take for me to trust someone?
Honestly?
You have to be a listener and friendly. I don't genuinely know if I can't actually trust you, I just do.
It all blows up in my face, cause obviously those people can't be trusted.
No one can be trusted, we're all two-faced and thirsty for gossip.

I should know better.

Hope

I caught a butterfly today, for the first time in my fifteen years of living.
Gives me hope.

Utada Hikaru

Most beautiful voice and sweetest songs I've ever heard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyUE0BU49X0 (LINK WON'T WORK)
That's just one of her songs and the english version of that song I've linked you to is used for the beginning of Kingdom Hearts 2, which I've been playing a lot lately.

I just love Japanese items lately.
I've been reading a lot of Death Note, watching Final Fantasy, playing Kingdom Hearts and listening to Utada Hikaru.
When I get money I'm buying a lot of things :D

Breakfast.

Why does breakfast hate me so much?!
I mean the last couple of days there was no bacon for me and then finally there was for me yesterday but then there was no white bread so I had to have brown bread which never tastes as good with bacon. Today I decided to have cereal, NO FREAKING MILK. So I ate it by itself.

Oi, breakfast gimme a break will ya!

One week.

Only one week of summer, makes me sad to think that I have to go back to the stress of coursework and mock exams.
I still need to do my photography coursework, I'm utterly screwed seriously.

I have idea's of doing a anime style like Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy with my friends.
I need to take some pictures of human forms and I just need to dress my friends up as anime characters and find some poses.

Could anyone help me here?

8 FOLLOWERS

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I'M HAPPY ;D♥

Michael Jackson thoughts.

Well recently I read a book about Michael Jackson's life professinally and personally.
It included all the controversial stories about the children, but honestly the book didn't change my opinion about him one little bit, I still love who he was and the music he produced.

I still remember him for the man who wanted to save the world and give to those who didn't have much and I think that is what everyone else should feel. But of course there is some spiteful people who believe the tabloids views.

It is controversial.

Sleep deprivation

Well not last night the night before I stayed up on msn to Peter and Ollie, I stayed up till 10 to 5 exactly and the next day slept into only quarter past 12. So I had just over 7 hours sleep, that isn't enough for a teenager of my age.
Last night I stayed up till gone past 3am and really couldn't sleep cause my sleep pattern is now out of whack so I just put on Lion King and I really don't know how it does it but I went out like a light.

And here I am, after a night of 7 hours sleep I'm like D:
This is what the holidays are about guys!

Nobodies looking, but every body's talking.

What I've give to turn it off and make it stop so all I could hear was a simple song.

Miley Cyrus♥

Neglection + death.

I really have been neglecting this blog of mine.
But honestly I feel really empty at the moment, my cat Timmy died recently and I had him for 13 years of my life.
I came home from Portugal on Friday basically and came back to a lovely surprise of my room being done up and an opportunity for a job. Then of the course the bad news my beloved cat dieing.
Honestly I just feel empty, sounds so pathetic when I think about it but I do. He was always there, now he's just gone.
I was out with friends yesterday and I just ended up thinking too much and nearly crying in front of them all.

Yeah so these summer holidays have been pretty crap so far.

Portugal tomorrow.

I'm gonna have mega fun and when I get back I will properly update on eveything I promise! :D
I love you guys.

YAAAAAAAAAAY

I'M A BRIDESMAID TODAY, wish me luck :) x

50 things you probably don't know about me.

1. I have 4 half sisters, 1 whole sister, 1 half brother and 1 step brother but i count them all as just my brothers and sisters.
2. My friends get annoyed at me cause I ask the most random questions that no one would know the answer to >.<
3. Tomorrow my father and step mum are getting married and I'm a bridesmaid.
4. I don't like the volume on anything being on a number in the 5x table.
5. I spend way too much time on my laptop, mostly on facebook.
6. I like coffee flavoured things but not coffee.
7. I can't make a good cup of hot chocolate, my step mum can!
8. I can't do chores around the house as I'm just useless at it and i just mess it up.
9. I've shared a room with my 12 year old sister for 7 years now.
10. My father owns a nightclub in Ipswich and everyone always asks me about it at my school.
11. I don't think I've ever been in love. But certainly close to it and I'll always have feelings for that one person.
12. My Grandad is Australian and my Mother is half Australian, which make me a quarter but I lie to everyone and just say I'm half.
13. I have a thing for boys that can c-walk or just hip-hop dance generally. But mostly c-walk!
14. I love Australian rainbow and bubblegum ice creams so much.
15. Australia and Portugal are my favourite places to go on holiday but I do wanna travel all over the world.
16. I love my music loud, but my laptop doesn't go loud enough ¬¬
17. When I miss people I don't stop thinking about them till I see them again.
18. I'd say I fall in love too easily, but it's not love it's lust.
19. If you confuse me I won't let go of the subject till you unconfuse me.
20. Being tickled actually scares me.
21. I can't walk in heels and I have to tomorrow for the wedding tomorrow and I'm freaking out about it.
22. I love dresses.
23. I hate it when in pictures girls purposely show off their cleavage.
24. When I get angry I cry.
25. I love roller coasters, i will go on anything and everything. I love the adrenaline rush.
26. I used to love chocolate bars but now a days I barely eat them anymore, guess thats a good thing?
27. I love being in a fit of giggles when you shouldn't be laughing, when it's uncontrollable.
28. I only ever get cramps in my calf muscle in the middle of the night.
29. I have seen busted in concert and got a top and everything! If you don't know who they are, seatch them up kks :)
30. I love getting to close to new people, mostly girls, boys end up, upsetting me.
31. I don't partically want to be in a relationship or rush into one, i love my freedom.
32. If your funny and loving, i'll like you.
33. I hate people who lie about the most pointless things.
34. I can detect the smell of B.O really easily and know who it is.
35. I don't ever speak my mind, unless I am really angry or upset. But I have to be really (emphasis on the really) angry or upset.
36. My eyes change colour from brown to green and vice versa. Many people tell me my eyes are pretty.
37. I have the Hollinsworth side of my family looks.
38. I wish I had more posters around my room, or just my OWN ROOM.
39. I HATE HATE HATE the smell of tuna.
40. I complain way too much especially when I'm bored.
41. I love floral wallpaper.
42. Sims 2 is my all time favourite game and I'm desperate for Sims 3.
43. Tutti frutti is my fave gum fer sure.
44. I always leave my coursework to the last minute and so I only get myself marks that let me pass by the skin of my teeth.
45. Grazia magazine is amazing, but expensive.
46. Moulin Rouge is an all time classic and favourite of mine.
47. I love Cucumber & green tea scent dove roll-on >.<
48. I'd rather wear girl boxers than any other underwear.
49. I've never fainted or broken a bone, in my 15 years of living.
50. This has took me more than 2 hours to do and I've enjoyed every second of it :L

Oh yeah, I'm back.

I actually came back on the 23rd because my holiday was cut short. It was basically crap >.<
But I hadn't had time to post because i got home went to bed got up went to town with friends and then just got back from a sleepover at Kate's, which was a Harry Potter night :)
Still haven't seen the six! Is it worth going to see?

Yeah so I have a couple of idea's for blogs now and I'll be posting them like very very soon! :D

Seeya!

18th-24th

I'm now off.
I won't be posting on here but if you wanna know what I'm getting upto here is a link to my facebook, as I most probably will be on there from time to time updating.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=1306223089&ref=profile
(THE LINKS WON'T FREAKING WORK)

I hope everyone has a lovely jubbly week!
Ciao x

Summerrrrrr

is actually here right now.
I've finished school.

But I don't feel happy, I don't feel free. I actually feel quite crappy.
I think it may be the fact that my family are taking me away again and I can't be having fun with my friends and meeting new people. But I just did have a really crap day. I don't know what it was exactly, just was.

But I still haven't packed for my camping trip and I still need to get credit and maybe start my epic long photography coursework, which I won't and rush at the end of the holidays cause that is what I do :)

Not really sure what else to say, I hope all you guys are having an amazing summer.
Goodbye gorgeous people x

Summer

is nearly fucking here!
Only one more freaking day of school and then NONE for six weeks :D
But on Saturday I go off camping for a week and then I come back to my Dad's and Step mum's wedding and then I go to PORTUGAL ;D

I'm just pissed cause I don't get to see friends and I miss a few nights but I will have another 4 weeks with them :)
I will do a proper big post tomorrow before I leave.

Anger

You wouldn't believe how fucking angry I am right now. People always seem to take me for fucking granted, I'm always there for a chat to have fun just to be there and people just throw it back in my fucking face.

I feel like crying cause I'm so fucking angry.
I feel like comfort eating so much that I get major fat and then I won't be able to move and no one would be able to talk to me anymore so I won't have to deal with this human contact.
The human race, especially boys are the most confusing thing. I can't take it anymore, I wanna scream and everyones face. TALK TO ME.
I'm a nice girl who is fun to chat to at times. But when people make me feel like this I'm truely not.

I hate the human race, they're a chemical scum.

What a lovely day.

Well, I woke up and got ready to go to the cinema to see Transformers 2 for Dan's birthday with Kate, Thea, Jake, Ben, Dale and Zack.
Movie was amazing! NOMNOM.

Then we were like off to the park we go! So we met up with Amelia and her drunk friend first when we got to hippy hill got a big hug from Cameron and he told me he loved me. We sat down by who we call Ping-Pong and he stole my i-Pod and then Mattie decided to take it didn't even say hi or anything and I was like fine.
I also saw Jake since ages ago and he picked me up which scared me and gave me a lovely hug when he said goodbye and kissed me on the neck.
I also saw Luke and he was lovely and gave me a lot of hugs and kissed me on the cheek.
I got a few hugs off of Chris which were nice and Thea of course!

Just a day filled with lovely hugs!

SATURDAY MORNING

UP EARLY cause of work= NOT HAPPY JESSICA.

Still in shock.

I just can't over the fact that Michael Jackson isn't around anymore, what happened was completely out of the blue. Me and probably everyone else in the whole world have been taken off guard.
I keep listening to his songs now, maybe just to keep him alive with me. The strange thing isn't I wasn't even a big fan?

On a lighter note! I had an simply amazing weekend.
Thea slept round cause we were off early the next day to go to THORPE PARK!
Here are some photo's;


I don't understand what happened to my hair :L


Lolol me in the background.


I went on this, it was freaking amazing/scary.
Saw-the ride, I was seriously shitting myself because it had scary inside bits. But it was pretty good. I got a photo of me, Thea and my big sister on it AND a DVD of our reactions on the ride, how cool I know!

Then I came home to a party, for our neighbours, I was too tired to have fun.
Today I went with Mother to get Work Experience clothes. Which is on Tuesday :|
I then went to Dad's house and played on Wii fit and then went to eat out, which was lovely.

I have tomorrow off, cause the Library isn't open for my work experience muahah. So tomorrow, I'm gonna lay in and do some coursework and chores.
I'll do an update of everyday for when I do go to work experience :)

seeezzzz yazz laterzzzz

Michael Jackson

R.I.P you will be missed by many of your fans across the whole world.
Music will never ever be the same again, without you there to contribute.

I am completely shocked to hear the news, it's like the same situation when Steve Irwin passed away. It's so sad.

I leave all my love with his family and friends.

Sports day

Was freaking amazing.
I love my school lot so much.






And there ya' go!
I will update properly one day >.<

SPORTS DAY

A DAY OF DOING NOTHING
I've got out of any events every year and as this is my last sports day I didn't intend to do any this year either.
Well it's a beautiful sunny day, EVERYONE HAVE FUN.

What a strange weekend.

Well how do I start this?

My weekend started so God damn nicely.
I was so excited about seeing everyone at the park and everything seemed amazing.
I went to Kate's house for a sleepover and got hold of a lot of alcohol got really quite tipsy. Had mega fun.
Me and Kate even round for a walk at 4am round our little town, it was pretty damn amazing. Two girls in their pj's at half 4 in the morning running round a deserted Tesco's carpark.
Then we fell asleep watching Lee Evans back at hers.

I woke up and so everyone else did around 10am.
Then I went home still in my pj's. Got ready to go out and met up with everyone again. (Thea, Kate, Nikki and Rachael)
To be honest the weather was complete and utter shit not the best for sitting around in a park. Plus the fact we had to run for the bus in the rain ¬¬

We went up the park and Thea suddenly decided she wanted some food. (There was like no one at the park at time).
So Kate and Thea went to get some food. While me, Rach and Nikki went down the hill and shared a bottle of straight vodka between us. Didn't do anything, so it was all good.

Then we came back up the hill and then suddenly a huge group of people arrived. Cameron and Mattie were also there.
Cameron came up to me and gave me the biggest, longest hug ever. It was amazing.
Me and Mattie ignored each other, I think it was too awkward since what he said was kinda whoaaaa. I wish I went and talked to him now ¬¬

We sat down again and it started raining so we started to walk into town and Thea and Kate turned up. Thea was obviously annoyed at us.
Mostly because of the alcohol.

Well basically walking back Amelia who was with her made a comment saying 'We're the sober kids'
And they all laughed. Pissed me, Rach and Nikki off. I know it wasn't much but it still hurt.

So us three fucked off without them, got some stuff then went back to the park.
We sat by ourselves.
Then they all came back into the park and sat with everyone else. We basically looked like loners.
I saw Mattie keep staring at me, I felt so bad and had a urge to go and talk to him because I miss him so freaking much.
He wanted to meet me today but as it was Fathers day I couldn't. I feel so bad ¬¬

So yeah we fucked off out of the park and went home early, Mattie still staring at me.
So yeah I felt like complete shit, everything was so fucked up. Another crap Saturday for me.
I wish people would give me a break.

Anyway so yeah, I kinda made up with everyone now.
AND YEAH BORED AND TIRED NOW.
How is everyone?

Big time whoaaa

Well last night I was just going about my business on the laptop and I saw that Mattie had left me a comment on Bebo.
And it read 'Jess must unblock Mattie, so he can tell you something important.'
So I was like uh okay...

I sat there staring at his name thinking does he really deserve to be unblocked. He treated me like shit when all I ever wanted was to be nice to him and be his friend, I've always been there for him 100%.

But I was like, okay I'll just unblock him and see what he has to say and then block him again. As I thought it was easier for me just to block him out of my life all together rather than try and fail with him.

So the conversation went like this; (It may be a bit long by the way).

Mattie: Hello young Jessica. (¬¬)
Me: Hi.
Mattie: I'm sorry for being a total nob kays.
Me: You say sorry and then it'll just go back to how it was again.
What's the point?
Mattie: But I have reasons, which I shouldn't tell you.
But I will.
Me: Okay?
Mattie: Like, the thing is. I need to push you away, because I love as you love me but I'm scared I'll begin to love you too much if you get me.
(Me and Mattie have had a thing before and he has never really got over it.)
Me: And why would that happen? I thought we got past the stage of like liking each other?
Mattie: I don't know Jess, it just happens and I want to tell you. But I'm scared that it'll ruin our friendship and shit. But I thought as you hate me right now I may as well go for it. It's like a 50/50 thing.
Me: It would never ruin our friendship and I don't hate you. I was just really pissed off.
Mattie: How come it wouldn't ruin our relationship? I thought it would be all awkward, considering you're over feeling the same way e.t.c.
Me: Because I wouldn't let it, I never feel awkward around you. So are you saying you did start to like me again? Or you were scared you were gonna?
Mattie: I think I'm starting too =/
(This is when I thought OHH SHIT.)
Me: But how can you? You never talk to me anymore, let alone see me.
Mattie: But it's just the feeling Jess. I listen to things and they remind me of you e.t.c and it's really weird.
Me: In a way that is really sweet.
(Made me go aawwww a bit.)

Skip a bit of the conversation..

Mattie: You don't feel the same why anymore do you? I don't think you do but just asking.
Me: You know what after that amazing day when we spoke for ages, just me and you I thought I did a bit. But now I don't think, sorry.
Mattie: I thought not. No chance of trying or shall I just leave it?
Me: I want things to go back to normal, but they won't will they?
Mattie: Hmmm I don't know.

Skipping a bit...

Me: If you want to talk to me again or not. We may as well stop now, if you don't want to.
Mattie: I do want to Jess, I really do. More than anything in the world.
Me: You think the solution to the problem is to push me away and blank me. It really hurt Mattie.
Mattie: I really wanna try and stuff believe me, But I don't know. I just think you think it's going to be a waste of time.
(Nice to know what he thinks of me, he didn't quite word that right :L, so I said this...)
Me: I don't get it why would I think it's gonna be a waste of time. You make me out to be a bitch.
Mattie: Sorry I didn't mean it like that. All I'm saying is everything deserves a second chance, cause Jess we know each other a lot more and stuff so I wanna try, it's up to you. I just want you to think.
(It's true when we first went out like a year ago, we'd only known each other for like 2 weeks or so. Now we know each other wayyy too well.)

Skip a bit moree...

Mattie: I just want this between me and you okay?
Me: Okay then.
Mattie: And I promise if you think this over and it's a no, we'll still be friends.
And if you do say yes can we keep it between us for a little while and just see how it goes.

I found this a bit strange but it kinda makes sense.
But I don't think I could ever think of him in that way again and if we did get together and split for some reason we won't be friends again and it'll be awkward.
Oh I don't know what to do.

Someone please help me decide.

Meaningless post

I honestly have anything to say, nothing important happening.
I've been feeling kind of empty lately, I think it's because of all this change occuring lately.
It's mostly because I've feel like I've lost two of the closest people to me.
Mattie and Cameron.
Well I was getting sick and tired of Mattie because he seemed to be awkward with me and my friends and kept ignoring us. So I was like 'THAT'S IT' and I told him to fuck off and I don't like how he has changed. There is more to the story as well that I may or may not explain.

Then Cameron, I still talk to a lot on msn and everything is fine and dandy with that. But ever since getting his girlfriend Jasmine I never ever see him for more than like 5 minutes on the weekends. I hate it, I truely do.
We used to be so close.

Oh yeah, Australia.
Amazing film, one of the most magical, amazing things I've ever since in my life. It made me cry so many times for so long you wouldn't understand. Because it would get really sad and then really good again. But the movie literally went on for ages and you thought it was going to end and then it would keep going. But I totally recommend it guys, please got out and buy it.

And Black Eyed Pea's new song I recommend! It's an amazing happy song, like you dance along to and have fun to.
I'm listening to it really loud right now and it's making me really happy.


Well I must be off to the place of nastinessdufbeogeewdsh, which is school.

Baz Luhrman

Is the most amazing director ever.
I've seen most of his movies so far and now watching Australia.
So far of I've seen of it, it's really amazing.

I also love Nicole Kidman to be quite honest!
Moulin Rouge is the best I've seen so far of course!

Oh how I love movies at the moment.

:/

I wish I could say I'm a positive and happy person most of the time, but the truth is I'm really not. I'm sorry for the misleading and confusion the fake smile causes people.
I'm not worth the trouble.

Trips to the forest.

It was actually really nice my camping trip this weekend.
I spent a lot of time with my neighbour Jack which was strange, but it was nice.
My highlight of the trip was fighting for glow sticks in the dark, amazing fun :L

I took a load of pictures as well:


There was some beautiful views.


We had a fire, roasted marshmallows and everything!


Me, my sister and brother.

OH AND..



MY CHICKENS ;D
Most adorable things everrrrrrr.

Camping

I'm off to camp again with my family and my next door neighbours oh the fun! ;D
xoxox

Primary school love.

I actually feel like I've gone straight back to Primary school.
Well last night I decided to tell Jake all of those feelings I explained in my last post over msn and I just felt so childish. I shouldn't have to do this over msn, it's so immature.
But he then said he didn't realise and that he is sorry, he kept saying how he really does like me.
I wouldn't reply as I was annoyed. So he said he would call me if I didn't reply and I was like OMG NONONONONO. What is wrong with me I'm so immature!? We could of sorted it out by phone, would of been much much easier.
But I just said I don't really want him talking to me anymore and so on. But yet he still is ¬¬

And now guess what?!
His best friend tells me over msn like a primary schooler he likes me in that way and that he thinks I'm a great girl. How freaking great. HIS BEST FRIEND.

Now if I do go to the u-18's night. I'll be scared to see Jake and David (best friend). I don't think I'll go, I'll go to the next one until it all cools down and goes away.

EVERYTHING IS SO HETIC.

Jake follow-up

You know I started to fall for him and I really did.
He decided to get a girlfriend after my realisation I did like him.
'Danielle' was her name and I say was because he broke up with her Saturday night.
I asked him why and he just said 'I have my reasons.'
So then he decides to call me and constantly go on web cam to me again. Like I was just a back-up or something, if you get me. Most girls know the feeling.

But all of a sudden in a space of a few days all of that attention has just completely and utterly stopped. Nothing ever, no texts/calls/msn. I feel like I've just been tossed a side like I'm no good anymore. Like he's got everything he can out of me.
I've been trying to talk to him again, I get like nothing out of him.
Why do boys always want to make themselves out to be dicks to me, I thought he was kind of something else. But he really wasn't.
I should of followed my first judgement of him a flirt, a player, a girl-user. Gets satisfaction of having many girls going at once.

I'm now sitting here listening to 'You could be happy'-Snow Patrol. One of the most adorable songs I've ever listened to nearly in tears.

I want to swear boys out of my life forever. I even said to one of my closest friends last night I'm not going to bother with boys for a while I don't want any new ones coming into my life either. I hope I'll stick by that, they are the main reason I get upset and cry every night.

I'm looking at his name on msn right now and shouting at it 'TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME'
Even clicking on his name, getting ready to write something and then stop and shouting 'TALK TO ME' again.

It's not worth it, I'll get over it.
I always do I've gotten good at it by now.

Another relationship failed due to my foolishness.

Mmmmm

Last night I was not a happy girl, due to the fact it was my Grandma's birthday and she passed away 3 years ago and that everyone really didn't seem themselves last night including me.

Then I looked outside the sky was this orangey pinky colour merging together it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen the pink light was shining through my big windows. It was so beautiful I started to cry.
I had no idea why I cried exactly but it was nice, everything was just building up.

Well I woke up this morning in a bad mood as well, but I won't have many people around to get on my nerves, as they are on a school trip. Just me and Kate today :)

OMGOMGOMGGGGGGG

CAN'T WAITTTT :)

^^

Happy birthday Nikki! I love you.

Science

I have a science GCSE exam tomorrow!
And I've barely revised. They're well important and like go on your CV and stuff for jobs.
I'm not gonna do well.
But tonight and today I'm gonna revise all I can. I need a good grade in science. I already got an A* on my coursework so it's going well.

AAAHHHH!

fuck

I think I'm starting to fall for this Jake.
I just can't seem to stop staring at him when we are on webcam together and ahh fuck. I don't wanna like him.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

How can I stop this guys, please?

Let's just say

I wasn't happy last night. For many reasons.

- This Jake guy is getting to me, he is a big flirt and a bit of a twat but I kinda don't want his crush thing on me to stop but I know it should cause I shouldn't lead him on. I must talk to him about it all before I fall on my face.

- My best friend Cameron has just fucked off cause of his girlfriend Jasmine. I feel like I've lost him already and I really don't like it.

- I'm scared I have feelings for my friend who's name I won't mention because I don't want to admit it might be true. I hope this blows over.

):

My stomach feels like its swelling from the pain and upset I am feeling right now.

To follow up

with this situation with Jake.
I met up with Thea and Kate yesterday and decided to talk to Thea about him. She had no clue as to what had gone on. She said she really, seriously doesn't like him.
I didn't believe her but she said no really I don't. But I don't think I'm gonna do anything about it cause I don't think I really like him in that way.
I told them that he wanted to meet up with me and a different park and they were like go Jess and I was like nono.

We met Mattie and Cameron (+ new girlfriend) and Thea and Kate left me with them to go see Jake and stuff.
I went for a walk with Mattie and we had an amazing chat with him it was amazing, I love Mattie so much.
Then Kate and Thea came back and told me Jake was stoned as, I was so glad I didn't go. Never knew what he would of tried.
Mattie said if he would of laid a finger on me then he would of gone crazy, bless him.

So then me, Thea, Mattie and Kate chatted for ages.
Kate cried cause of her twat boyfriend D:
Then Cameron and Jaz (girlfriend) found us and we had to leave. I didn't want to leave cause I had an amazing day!

Now I am back at school and it's shite! But only 7 weeks till summer holidays :D:D
How is everyone hanging?

So yeah this guy

Jake, I'm really not sure about him.
Well in the week I just started randomly texting him and we were flirting a lot, I did keep thinking about him. But I was like urgh whatever.
Then I find out from my friend Kate that he got off with Thea in the middle of the week. I was hurt just a little bit but I just deleted all the texts and shed a little tear and I was fine. I swore I wouldn't turn my phone on for the rest of the holiday.
Well that plan failed and I ended up turning it on to see I had 1 missed call off Jake and several texts telling me to wake up to talk.
I wasn't happy with him so I was being off with him. Then I said I heard to got off with Thea. He said well I kinda feel bad, cause I kinda like you.
And I was like urrr k? I didn't know what to think of it all.

I told him he didn't really like me and stuff but he was sure he does and told me he couldn't stop thinking about me.
I was weary because I was afraid Thea might like him and I was unsure as to if I did.
And when he asked to meet up or call me I'd say no and make up excuses.

But I've given in again. I let him call me and we spoke for nearly 3 hours.
I don't know what to do though. Shall I carry this on or stop it?
He wants to meet tomorrow, I might just avoid him. He geniuely does like me and I really don't wanna mess him around because he is lovely really.

AHHHH SO CONFUSED!

I'm back!

from Dorset and it was beautiful sunny yayness!
Well I got to see Kate and I've been on the phone to Jake and David for like 2 hours now good times (Y):D

I'll update properly later :)

Camping in Dorset

Well I'm going to Dorset to camp with my family from the 22th of May till the 30th of May.
So I won't be updating obvsiously. I will once I get back!
I hope everyone has a nice week :)
xxxxxx

I think

I'm obsessed with Finnish people from now on :L
My friend Sophie told me that there were Finnish people coming over and I thought aahh their going to be weddy little things, whatever.
But then I was walking back to my form room from art with Dan and I was like "I've never seen them before." And Dan said "They're the Finnish people."
And I was like "WHAT."
They are meant to be my age (Fifteen) they looked about 20 and just so whoaaa. There was this really gorgeous, emo-looking girl with big scene kid hair and the tiniest waist you would ever seen. There was also a blonde haired girl who was beautiful.
And I was like omgggggg, but all the boys were creepy and weedy.
Me, Thea and Rachael basically followed them around all lunchtime cause it's like so amazing to have a different nationality at our school and this blonde haired boy kept staring at us and we were like "Aaaahhh." >.<
Tomorrow there will be two of them in our form ;D

Just amazing, I think I'm obsessed with other countries genuinely.

Not the brightest atm

I don't know what's wrong with me all of a sudden.
I feel so crap and I have no idea why?
I don't want next week to come along cause I'm shitting myself about the work experience meeting and doing the psychology experiment on kids I don't know by myself.
I just hate school so fucking much right now it's unbelieveable. I just want to go to college and have fun.
I hate my school.
I hate the thought that we only have tomorrow and then we have to go back in on Monday.

I know all I have to do is think positive and everything will turn out fine with these things. But I'm too un-confident.
I really wish I did have confidence.
I wish I was a completely different person sometimes.

I wish I was pretty, skinny and really smart. But you can't have everything.
Oh how my exams would be so good if I was smart. I'm totally freaking out about exams.

I wish I could get out more like to parties and stuff. I wish my Mum would let me do more things and not worry so much about me.

I wouldn't normally say this but I wish I had a boyfriend, cause you see I don't really care about being single. But lately is mostly what I think about because you see all these girls in these long-term relationships experiencing everything together, having fun. Like Ladon and Rachael. Oh how I envy her sometimes
But there is no one around, plus the stupid thing is I'm scared of love, I'm scared of commitment. I know I'm not the type of girl to go around kissing guys all the time but I'm truely scared of it all. I hate it so much.
I wish I had the confidence to meet guys and see where it goes. But I don't.

Just needed someone to let it out to. I wish I didn't feel this way right now.
I want to be positive but I just feel so gloomy at the moment.

Bored times

School posty

I don't know whether you guys would like to read my rant about my school stuff, ahh well you're gonna have to now :D

Well tonight I have done history coursework, doing stuff in my photography book and like an hours worth of science revision.
I marked my first mock science gcse thing and I got one mark off of a B! I was angry with myself, the physics bit let me down! Not my strongest bit.
But I have another mock but I don't know when cause we were meant to have to today but then they didn't do it. Don't know why :L

I have to do a psychology experiment on a form of year sevens soon and I'm so scared about it. It's about cue-dependency and shit. Not fun. The coursework is so hard and I don't get most of it.

So yeah that was my school rant.
Things are mostly good lately. Today was well nice, had psychology with Chris and I love him. Science where we just revised while me, Sophie and Kate bitched about people and then Maths with Rachael and Kyle which is always hilarious.
I was balancing on like three legs on my chairs while we were on the computers and she decided to kick the leg and I like completely fell off my chair onto the floor, me and Rachael were in hysterics but then my maths teacher saw me, Mr Rudge and was like what the hell are you girls doing.
And then I said my leg hurts and he took the actual piss out of me and didn't ask if I was alright! But I do love my Maths teacher! He is like an old man who tries to be funny but isn't but it is funny cause he is trying ;D

ANYWAY.
Imma stop now! NIGHT ;D xxxx

Wellwell

I have a science mock exam tomorrow so I've been revising for a while.
And I feel really shit and I just want my best friend to notice me but he never does anymore it feels like he just can't be bothered with me. I can never ever say these things to him.
I really wish I could. I hate myself for keeping it to myself.

Everything just feels so wrong right now and everyone is changing.
I'm finding stuff about one of my friends that I thought I never would of before. I don't normally mind change and just get on with my life, but this time I'm scared about what the change may bring.

And my best friend is fixed on getting his old friendship group from last year back together and have them back and it just makes me feel so unwanted and not good enough for him. He doesn't realise how much it hurts me when he says that.
I hope one I do eventually drift away from him he misses me like fuck and I won't ever come back to him. I want that so badly.

I just wish everyone would just fuck off out of my life right now.
But I don't really mean it.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Yes everything is a bit poo again.
I feel like I actually have to do anything to be close to my so called best friend. I can't take it.

Stuff just is never really good now a days.

Bad mood

I'm in a mood where I think would anyone actually, generally care if I wasn't here anymore.
I would like to see their reactions if I did just leave or die.
I always have the option of moving to Australia and I could like now if I wanted. I wonder would people care?

I always

have to make the fucking effort with you, you fucking arsehole.
I actually can't be arsed.
I can't stop crying I want you to care for me and ask me whats wrong when I'm upset but all you do is talk about getting high and your new hoe.

I CAN'T TAKE IT.
PLEASE JUST WORRY ABOUT ME.

My eventful evening

Well everyone is fighting.
Because of one person.
It's horrible.
Making me so upset, I'm crying.

I fucking tired to be nice, no point. Fuck it to be honest.

mmmmmmmm

do you like hurting me so?
I don't understand, your in a horrible mood so you make me feel like shit as well. Hardly fair is it? Well you don't give a shit so it doesn't matter.

Anyway on a lighter note.
Me and my bestest Thea are doing a story together we have decided it's something to do in our spare time. Thea is going to write one chapter and I'll write the nextt.
I can't wait to get it tomorrow, as Thea has started the first chapter :)

I'm also writing a script for media coursework, I don't think it's too bad. I won't say what it's about because it sounds really stupid.

Urrr anyway, more followers pleaseee and thankyou :)

Things

with Cameron have looked up.
Everything is amazingly lovely and I feel great tonight.

I do love my best friend with all my heart, even with these stupid fights.

Everyone

please search up the song, Boats and Birds by The Scene Aesthetic.
The most sweetest, amazing song I've ever heard like ever.
DO IT LIKE NOW!

I keep

thinking about what I was about to send to him last night and I really wish I had done now.
But in a way I know I wouldn't anyway.
But we're talking again like everything is fine.

So one of my best friends she had her boyfriend over last night and she was telling me how it was obvsious that he wanted more than she is ready for. She is only fifteen and I hate the pressure that sex and love is putting onto us. All the girls in my year at school are bragging about sex and this and that and I'm like why do we all have to start doing it now. I feel like I have to and I'm no where near ready for it.
I hate all this growing up and such. Aahhhh dammit.

Yeah so

You really do treat me like shit sometimes.
I wish you could see how much you hurt me everyday and how many tears I have cried about you. But it doesn't matter because, I'm meant to be your best friend you say sorry and everything is fine right?
Well it is with me, because I'm so fucking scared of loosing you. One of the biggest fears I could ever have. The things to do to me make me so upset but I just brush them a side and pretend nothing has happened. Because I love you too much, your my best friend. I may just be a paranoid little fucker but it's the way I am. I'm sorry for causing so much trouble for you cause I feel like I always do. I feel like you never want me to be around. I hate it when you ignore me basically all day even though I'm meant to be your 'best friend'.
But in the end you know that it doesn't matter, cause I'll forgive you.
I want you to care and worry about me, I want you to cuddle me when I'm upset like today for example. But no ignored me instead.
I wish I could tell you these things but I won't because I'll be deleting this when I'm done. I'm even too scared to send this to you because I know you'll flip at me.
I'm just waiting for you to speak to me on msn and make me feel better. But now a days all you care about is your new 'gash'. Oh I can't be fucked.
But oh do I love you, and you know that.

This is an deleted email I was going to send to Cameron about how insecure and unhappy I am with him.
He is the reason I feel like this.

:/

This song completely explains my mood after a real shit day today;

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something.

So yeah real shit.

Hiyaaaaaa

you know I said in my last post I will do a 'lighter, nicer post later on' well I lied cause I'm in a crap mood again.

Doesn't feel like anyone wants to tell me anything anymore, the two main boys in my life atm are a bit off with me and I feel like complete shite.
Mmmmm, at least it friday tomorrow and I have most if not all of my coursework done and dusted :)

But I just went outside on the trampoline and it's strange whenever I'm on my trampoline I just feel so bloody happy, I love looking at the beautiful sky while the planes fly by. I always feel like life is perfect when I'm on that bouncy thing.
Aahah I'm a strange girl.

Well I'm finished with my rant.

Mmmmmmm :/

I can't take trying to compete for your affection anymore it's too hard for me. All I want is attention of of you but it feels like I have to earn it. I just want you to be close to me, not anyone else. You tell everyone else you love them yet apparently I mean more. Doesn't feel that why mate.


I was also looking around on the networking sites I use and realised the words 'I love you' are used why too much. Most just to random people. The words mean nothing anymore, it's depressing really. I'm probably being a hypocrite here as well cause I probably do it, well I'm gonna stop.

I'm not in the best of moods as you can probably tell, I'm sorry.
I will do a lighter, nicer post later on.


See's yazzz laterzz

Amazing weekend to the maxxxx

Friday night had a sleepover with Kate, Thea, Nikki and Ben. As it was celebration of Kate's birthday. I LOVE HER.

Then went to town and meet up with Cameron, Mattie and other people, had an amazing lovely day seriously!

I love Cameron and Kate so much.

Then I had another sleepover at Thea's house last night, watched a lot of Disney movies had epic fun :)
Then went into town and met up with Rachael and Mattie. Had more epic fun.

Amazing weekend filled with lovely people!
But I need sleep now, so I'll be off to bed soonish.

I recommend that EVERYONE should get Fightstar's new album 'Be Human' it's freaking amazing. Never heard such a good album. Mattie and Cameron are at one of their concerts like right now, lucky bitches ¬¬
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5BfhdEv6s That is a taster to their one of their newer singles. That song creates so many emotions for me I can't explain it and the video is even better. As much as I love Charlie Simpson (I mean by God I do) he doesn't look that great in the video.

Anyway I think imma come off now ;D
I LOVE YOU GUYS

I don't get it

how come I feel really happy once I get home and I'm in an amazing mood and then suddenly my mood goes down hill and I feel so shit and can't stop crying.
Puberty=shit ;D

Has anyone ever heard the song, Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls?
A BIT AMAZING. I used to listen to it when I was younger and I've just got it again and it just brings me to tears of happiness :')

Well stuff at home isn't the best at the moment, due to the recession and such. I really hope this money situation gets better. My Step-dad is still at work now and it's 20 to 10pm and I don't think he'll be back for a while. He's trying to work as many hours as he can.

I feel like having a big cuddle with someone, any offers?

Basically

I had a lovely last day of the holidays and I don't really mind going back tomorrow.
I have all of my coursework done and I'm happy ^-^

HIYAAAAAAAA

PINK WAS FUCKING AMAZINGGGGGGGG!
Seriously so freaking amazing, we got there like half an hour after the doors opened and there wasn't many people there, but there was an awful lot of lesbians :L
We were quite close but not the closest but I did see her in the flesh and I had an amazing time. So amazing, I'm going again to see her in December at the o2 arena ;D
I'll put some pictures up:






And here is a link to the video of some of the concert and us on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rRysiX53A0
Sorry about my sisters crap editing BTW ;D

Anyway we didn't get back till like half 3 in the morning and I was well tired the next day but I went to the park to see Cameron, was a bit boring and the weather was nastyyy. But I love Cameron so it's alright! He wanted me to come back to his house cause it was boring in town but I couldn't so I walked home which was a long way away. I saw Mattie and Ryan on the way. Mattie looked rough and we talked about his antics of the night before ;)
He was a tad drunk and basically did some stuff! He is only 14! My little brother he is, well not really :L

So then on Saturday I went to town with basically everyone.
Thea, Nikki, Rachael, Eliott, Mattie, Kate. We all had a big best friend day and it was fucking the best! I love those guys so much plus the sun was shining.
Cameron was up the park and got drunk with this guy called Aiden, so I was basically ignored by him all day.

And today I went to my Dad's house and went to my big sisters and then had a lovely dinner with my family! Nice day.

AND TOMORROW IS, the last day of the holidays ):
But I'm making the most out of it and going to town and park with Nikki and meeting Cameron and Mattie later on, as they fail and have school ;D

HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING WELL!

OH MY

I'M SEEING PINK TONIGHT, YES THIS VERY NIGHT!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ;D
In four hours we'll be getting in the car to go to Birmingham! Gosh this is exciting!

EVERYONE HAVE A LOVELY DAY

Hiyaaaaaa

Sorry for not updating.
On Monday I did nothing in the day, cause I couldn't be bothered to go out, but I did have a sleepover in a tent with Thea and Kate which was really nice, but I was freaking cold to be quite honest.
Then the next day me and Kate met up with Mattie in town we went to the park and sat and talked for a little while in the sun and then we decided to get something to eat so we went to Burger King we saw Cameron on the way out of the park with a funny straw hat on. He was like where are you going and I was like something to eat and he was like you better come back up. Made me feel a bit loved.
So we ate, I had some chips as usual. While we were walking to the park Mattie gave me two dead arms ¬¬ and it hurt ><. When we go there, literally everyone was there. I sat with Cameron and I sat back to back with him. We basically listened to his iPod together all day in the lovely sun.
Then the drug dealer came along again and he is really strange and skitty. He tried to steal Cameron's iPod and Mattie's phone. So Cameron was like I'll sit next to you cause you don't like him and I was like aaawww.
I also told Cameron that Mattie hurt me and he made Mattie stop flirting with this girl who looked like Effy from skins to come over to him and he punched him in the arms it was funny. It's lovely to think he would literally do anything for me, that sounds twisted but I kinda get that it's true. I actually really miss him today.
Then we decided to go to the toliet and no toliet roll was in there ¬¬
Stupid toliets and then we thought we should really go!
I got home and basically did nothing, then I had a lovely chat with Ollie on msn till 3am, I only woke up like a few hours ago.
And I'm just getting doing loads of stuff I've been meaning to do like this ;D
I'm now waiting for my hair to dry so I can go outside and do my art coursework.

OH AND I'M GOING TO SEE PINK IN CONCERT TOMORROW, FREAKING YEAH.
I'M SO FREAKING EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDDD.
I'm non stop listening to Pink's new album so I know most of the words >.<
We are trying to get in the front cause we are standing up, I really hope I don't die while getting crushed aahahah.
Gonna be amazing, I'm going to try and take loads of videos and pictures of it to put on here ;D

Anyway, I think thats enough of an update.
I'll update on like Friday or something! I love you guys x

Mmmm :/

I wish you still sent me cute texts and constanly left me lovely comments.
I feel like you don't wanna ever talk to me anymore, that I bore you. That you might move onto someone else to become your bestfriend.
I really don't want that to happen to be quite honest ):

Monday, 2nd week of holidays

Okay well I can't be bothered to update at this moment in time.
I'll do it later.

HAPPY EASTERRR

Hope everyone is having a lovely easter time so far!

Well yesterday I went to town with Cameron, Kate, Thea + Anthony.
Cameron decided to get drunk on beer. I was pissed off and hungry so we got some burger king and then we came back sat in the shade on the bottom of the hill as it was real sunny, Mattie, Jherek and Jack came along and talked to us for like ages. Mattie kept throwing grass down Thea's dress cause he's a pervy flirter (I love him really)
Then Sam came over and told me Cameron punched him in the face and told him to leave me alone, I really don't like him >.<
Then Cameron called me really drunk and was like 'Where are you?!'
And I was like 'We're only down the bottom of the hill'
He said 'Well come up here now!'
And I was like 'Why?'
He said 'Cause I don't know where you are and ARGH'

So I went up the top of the hill and sat next to Cameron, he kept falling over and he made his bad hand bleed again so he could put blood on my white, cleanish shoes ¬¬
But I let him cause he's my best friend ^^

We decided to go to get more food, me and Cameron had a conversation about who should die first out of the two of us. He made me pinky promise that I won't die.
Then I met my spider friend Harry and played with him for ages while Cameron was trying to sober up but failed. He burnt some kids hair with his lighter (by accident) and punched some guy in the face.
It was a bit funny.

Near the end of the day, some people called Mattie up and told him they wanted to beat him up, but nothing happened. Cameron climbed a tree and couldn't get down and then it was our que to go.

Then I got home, was gonna go round Cameron's house couldn't. So I was megaaa bored, so Mattie called me and keep sending me links to lesbian porn ¬¬
But he found it funny.

Well that's the end of it.
I probably bored you, but this is for my sake so I can remember the good times as well.
SOO BYEEEE.

Well it's Friday!

This is where I went today:


I went to this farm with my family.
There were two little shetland ponies called Bella and Teddy, there were adorable.
And there was this huge white house called Mac and he was a bit scary, hehe.
There was also two more but I don't remember their names, they were all so gorgeous and makes me wish I was still riding horses.

Teddy:


Mac:




I basically did nothing the rest of the day, couldn't be bothered to do anything.
But tomorrow I'm going into town to see Cameron ;D

Cameron has been so lovely to me lately, as I didn't feel all to good earlier. He was telling me this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMbc7djkCq4
Represented what he would do for me and how much of a best friend I was. I do love Cameron to bits and I would do anything for him as well. I cannot wait to see him tomorrow.

Anyway, all good?

Thrusdaaaaayy

So to update on my holidays!
On Tuesday, I went to town again with Kate and Thea. We sat at the park and then we saw Mattie walking by himself so we were like come over here silly! And he was telling us how he had a fight with his Mother and so he spent the day with me and it was real lovely.
Then we went to asylum, which isn't as good as indie but was really good. But there was a few fights with the same people that hurt my friend Jackson ¬¬
Punch this poor guy in the face and broke his nose! They need to sort themselves out. But I saw a few people I love, Cameron was there and he was enjoying came and danced with us as well. I called him an idiot cause he was wearing someone's hat >.< And he picked me up and spun me round lots scared the shit out of me xD
Here is a photo of us guys in the Asylum toilets:

Then on Wednesday I met up with Cameron, Thea, Kate, Maddi & Gryphen. Was a beautiful sunny day with lots of people in the park which was amazing. Cameron was told to hurt his hand real bad so he punched anything and everything in the park. I don't exactly know why? But it was funny, he thought he broke his finger though, it was just swollen in the end.
That night I had Thea & Kate over for a sleepover which was fun tiemss, we stayed in bed till 3pm the next day and then went into town for like 2 hours. Saw Cameron, Mattie, Jack and some other people. Cameron was lovely today came and talked to us lot, a lot today. Even though he took the laces out of my shoes ¬¬

And tonight I plan to stay up as late as I can and then lay in till late late tomorrow. GOOD PLAN, I think so (Y)

That was a big update! S'all goodddd, I'll update again soon!
Byee x

Mondaaaaaayy

So yeah!
Yesterday I went to the park as usual, the weather was beautiful again. I met up with Chelsea and Cameron with Thea and Nikki.
Then Mattie and Gryphen tagged along. We just sat on the hill all day really and had good times!
Was a lovely day actually, here are some pictures:




Then Me, Nikki and Thea went to this under-18's night and it was shite. So we went home early and today I stayed at home did a big clean out of my room and then I just went to see Kate for like an hour.
Hopefully doing something tonight and then tomorrow it's Asylum night ;D And I'm well excited ^^

HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING WELL!

YES SO

Here is some photo's from before Indie last night.

Let's begin the blogging that I haven't done in a while! :O
It's the holidays now! :D

Last night I went to foam indie, an Under-18's nightclub thaang. Got completely drenched in foam and stood on in the process. A bit of a mosh going on. I had to elbow a guy in the stomach at one point cause he kept stepping on me >.<
I also saw a lot of people I miss dearly. I had good times to be honest.

Then I got home in soaking wet clothes and my Mother was like CHANGE NOW so I did and I ate some buttered toast. Then I went to bed. I woke up in the morning to a semi sunny day and I put on the music channels and opened my curtains wide it was bliss and I had a good feeling this holiday is gonna be amazing.

I went to town and the park. It was so very sunny by then and now I'm sunburnt on my cheeks ¬¬
It was gorgeous and I saw Cameron who I miss lots. But then I had to go home to see my Nan and now I'm sitting here on a Saturday night doing NOTHING, while all my best friends are doing stuff without me :/

Tomorrow me, Nikki + Thea are walking into town and it's gonna take around 2 and a half hours but we figure it'll be fun!

OWWW

My feet are killing me, stupid new school shoes ¬¬
It's the end of the school term in under like 3 days! Then we're off for 2 weeks! I'm so excited.
Gonna be amazing.
Me and Cameron are gonna have best friend tieemss and watch disney movies at each others houses ;D

Times are good.

KATE IS HERE

And we is having a ballllllllllll.
We were gonna go into town but then it was like pouring down with rain and I was like NONO.
So I had to wake up early this morning to go to the optictions, get my passport photo done and then bought new school shoes.
THEN I WAS LIKE KATEKATE COME OVER.
AND KATE WAS LIKE YES PLEASEEEE.

So we have just been hanging on msn, while singing to the likes of Chris Brown and such. Then my neighbour and his annoying little brother came over and they were funfun.

And now Kate and I are having a sleepoverrrrr, filled with Studio Ghibli(:

So my day yeah

OWWWW I JUST POKED MYSELF IN THE EYE.
Anyway, today was boringboring.

I thought it was Saturday when I woke up this morning and I was really happy and then I realised it was Friday ¬¬
First I had P.E and we did badminton which was okay got a bit boring after a while. Then I had English and I had to rush my first draft of an essay for a novel we read in the lesson and it's for my coursework ¬¬
Then I had Psychology and I literally felt like falling asleep cause we watched this real boring video and URGH.

I keep hurting myself lately! I hit my hand really hard on my bunk bed and now I have a big bruise on my finger and my little finger keeps throbing and twitching I think I jammed a nerve or something ):

Well it's the weekend now! Probably not going to do anything that different/great.
I HAVE 3 FOLLOWERS NOW ;D
I'm well proud, thankyou.

ANYWAAAAAAYYY, I'm going to eat! Aurevoir xxx

urrr

i'm so annoyed ¬¬

Ahahahahahahah

I thought I didn't save that last post and I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOONOONONONOOO.
But I did >.<
AND EVERYTHING IS ALL GOOD IN THE HOOD.

Updatedatedate

I really have nothing to update on to be honest.
Things seem a little shit right now, I acted like a complete bitch in Media and just didn't feel nice. But on the brightside I have NO coursework to do.
But right now I'm so bored, I've never been this bored well for a long time anyway. I think it's cause Cameron isn't online.

I just sat here and was ready to type something and now I've forgotten ¬¬

Right so yesterday I had my injection and it was like a pin prick and it was over but now my arm is aching and will do for another day or so -.-

ON THE 27TH JUNE I'm going to THORPE PARK with Theaaaaaa.
I'm well excited! Gonna go on loads of rides and it's like yaaay!
And on the 16th April I'm going to see Pink in concert ;D;D And I'm proper excited for that too!
I will be having good times.

Well today was pretty shite and normal like, but I realised how much I missed Kate today. I must have a weekend with her tbh.

I LOVE YOU GUYS

Haven't

updated in a while.
Sorry, I will update properly tomorrow sometime.


C.M, N.W, K.E, T.M + R.C

I hate

how I will always be second best to you.
I was there for you through everything and I'm second best to whatever new hoe you have.
Now whatever I tell you is gonna get to her and she is the biggest gossip I know. I actually can't deal with this jealously.
I want you all to myself, your mine. ):


HAPPY MOTHERS DAY.

WOW

Today was so strange, just a big mix of emotions and people.
Well I woke up feeling complete shit. Went into town with Thea, Nikki and Thea. Met Jackson and Amelia and then went to the park.
The weather was so gorgeous.

We went up the hill to see who was there and no one was so we went to eat and do other stuff then came back and the was a moutain of people!
People I haven't seen in a long time!
So I said hi to a lot of people.

Then we laid down on the grass, soaking up the sun all peaceful but then loads of people came over, to chat and shizz.
So we just sat with a big group of people, I felt like shit cause of someone, probably can guess guys. So I asked Thea to come have a walk with me and we went down the really posh, pretty part of the park while listening to Bloc Party and it was beautiful. But I was talking to Thea about why I felt like shit and I felt like crying.

Then we came back and Cameron was really smashed and he stayed for us for a little while we sat together for a little while, he said to me 'hold my hand so I feel safe' it was adorable so I did and looked after him for a while.

Then he went somewhere and I said hi to Brandon, Rob and shouted hi at Ollie.
Then we went a bit down the hill. Jackson was sitting with us and then these chavs/greebos who have a bone to pick with him came on the hill and we thought everything was fine and they will leave him alone.
Then one of them came over and went 'which one is Jackson' and asked him to say sorry to these people, so he did.
We thought everything was fine and sat down again but then a guy came over and said 'why were you staring at me' and Jackson was like 'No I wasn't' and they wouldn't drop and then they got up in his face and pushed him to the ground. I was just standing there like omgomgomg what do I do, while Thea, Nikki and Kate were crying.
It was truely horrible they threatened to kick his head in and kicked him a few times. There was so many people around but only this boy Mattie stuck up for him and I had so much respect for him after that.
It was horrible though and we all got out of the park all in tears. And Jackson went home.
Then me, Nikki, Thea, Kate and Mattie were left and it was well nice. We just thought 'fuck it' and went back to the park we saw them again but they didn't do anything and sat for ages just chatting and it was amazing.
Then I came home and felt shit again, cause of something.

AND HERE I AM ;D
HOW IS EVERYONEEEEEEE?