Not the brightest atm

I don't know what's wrong with me all of a sudden.
I feel so crap and I have no idea why?
I don't want next week to come along cause I'm shitting myself about the work experience meeting and doing the psychology experiment on kids I don't know by myself.
I just hate school so fucking much right now it's unbelieveable. I just want to go to college and have fun.
I hate my school.
I hate the thought that we only have tomorrow and then we have to go back in on Monday.

I know all I have to do is think positive and everything will turn out fine with these things. But I'm too un-confident.
I really wish I did have confidence.
I wish I was a completely different person sometimes.

I wish I was pretty, skinny and really smart. But you can't have everything.
Oh how my exams would be so good if I was smart. I'm totally freaking out about exams.

I wish I could get out more like to parties and stuff. I wish my Mum would let me do more things and not worry so much about me.

I wouldn't normally say this but I wish I had a boyfriend, cause you see I don't really care about being single. But lately is mostly what I think about because you see all these girls in these long-term relationships experiencing everything together, having fun. Like Ladon and Rachael. Oh how I envy her sometimes
But there is no one around, plus the stupid thing is I'm scared of love, I'm scared of commitment. I know I'm not the type of girl to go around kissing guys all the time but I'm truely scared of it all. I hate it so much.
I wish I had the confidence to meet guys and see where it goes. But I don't.

Just needed someone to let it out to. I wish I didn't feel this way right now.
I want to be positive but I just feel so gloomy at the moment.