So yeah this guy

Jake, I'm really not sure about him.
Well in the week I just started randomly texting him and we were flirting a lot, I did keep thinking about him. But I was like urgh whatever.
Then I find out from my friend Kate that he got off with Thea in the middle of the week. I was hurt just a little bit but I just deleted all the texts and shed a little tear and I was fine. I swore I wouldn't turn my phone on for the rest of the holiday.
Well that plan failed and I ended up turning it on to see I had 1 missed call off Jake and several texts telling me to wake up to talk.
I wasn't happy with him so I was being off with him. Then I said I heard to got off with Thea. He said well I kinda feel bad, cause I kinda like you.
And I was like urrr k? I didn't know what to think of it all.

I told him he didn't really like me and stuff but he was sure he does and told me he couldn't stop thinking about me.
I was weary because I was afraid Thea might like him and I was unsure as to if I did.
And when he asked to meet up or call me I'd say no and make up excuses.

But I've given in again. I let him call me and we spoke for nearly 3 hours.
I don't know what to do though. Shall I carry this on or stop it?
He wants to meet tomorrow, I might just avoid him. He geniuely does like me and I really don't wanna mess him around because he is lovely really.

AHHHH SO CONFUSED!

I'm back!

from Dorset and it was beautiful sunny yayness!
Well I got to see Kate and I've been on the phone to Jake and David for like 2 hours now good times (Y):D

I'll update properly later :)

Camping in Dorset

Well I'm going to Dorset to camp with my family from the 22th of May till the 30th of May.
So I won't be updating obvsiously. I will once I get back!
I hope everyone has a nice week :)
xxxxxx

I think

I'm obsessed with Finnish people from now on :L
My friend Sophie told me that there were Finnish people coming over and I thought aahh their going to be weddy little things, whatever.
But then I was walking back to my form room from art with Dan and I was like "I've never seen them before." And Dan said "They're the Finnish people."
And I was like "WHAT."
They are meant to be my age (Fifteen) they looked about 20 and just so whoaaa. There was this really gorgeous, emo-looking girl with big scene kid hair and the tiniest waist you would ever seen. There was also a blonde haired girl who was beautiful.
And I was like omgggggg, but all the boys were creepy and weedy.
Me, Thea and Rachael basically followed them around all lunchtime cause it's like so amazing to have a different nationality at our school and this blonde haired boy kept staring at us and we were like "Aaaahhh." >.<
Tomorrow there will be two of them in our form ;D

Just amazing, I think I'm obsessed with other countries genuinely.

Not the brightest atm

I don't know what's wrong with me all of a sudden.
I feel so crap and I have no idea why?
I don't want next week to come along cause I'm shitting myself about the work experience meeting and doing the psychology experiment on kids I don't know by myself.
I just hate school so fucking much right now it's unbelieveable. I just want to go to college and have fun.
I hate my school.
I hate the thought that we only have tomorrow and then we have to go back in on Monday.

I know all I have to do is think positive and everything will turn out fine with these things. But I'm too un-confident.
I really wish I did have confidence.
I wish I was a completely different person sometimes.

I wish I was pretty, skinny and really smart. But you can't have everything.
Oh how my exams would be so good if I was smart. I'm totally freaking out about exams.

I wish I could get out more like to parties and stuff. I wish my Mum would let me do more things and not worry so much about me.

I wouldn't normally say this but I wish I had a boyfriend, cause you see I don't really care about being single. But lately is mostly what I think about because you see all these girls in these long-term relationships experiencing everything together, having fun. Like Ladon and Rachael. Oh how I envy her sometimes
But there is no one around, plus the stupid thing is I'm scared of love, I'm scared of commitment. I know I'm not the type of girl to go around kissing guys all the time but I'm truely scared of it all. I hate it so much.
I wish I had the confidence to meet guys and see where it goes. But I don't.

Just needed someone to let it out to. I wish I didn't feel this way right now.
I want to be positive but I just feel so gloomy at the moment.

Bored times

School posty

I don't know whether you guys would like to read my rant about my school stuff, ahh well you're gonna have to now :D

Well tonight I have done history coursework, doing stuff in my photography book and like an hours worth of science revision.
I marked my first mock science gcse thing and I got one mark off of a B! I was angry with myself, the physics bit let me down! Not my strongest bit.
But I have another mock but I don't know when cause we were meant to have to today but then they didn't do it. Don't know why :L

I have to do a psychology experiment on a form of year sevens soon and I'm so scared about it. It's about cue-dependency and shit. Not fun. The coursework is so hard and I don't get most of it.

So yeah that was my school rant.
Things are mostly good lately. Today was well nice, had psychology with Chris and I love him. Science where we just revised while me, Sophie and Kate bitched about people and then Maths with Rachael and Kyle which is always hilarious.
I was balancing on like three legs on my chairs while we were on the computers and she decided to kick the leg and I like completely fell off my chair onto the floor, me and Rachael were in hysterics but then my maths teacher saw me, Mr Rudge and was like what the hell are you girls doing.
And then I said my leg hurts and he took the actual piss out of me and didn't ask if I was alright! But I do love my Maths teacher! He is like an old man who tries to be funny but isn't but it is funny cause he is trying ;D

ANYWAY.
Imma stop now! NIGHT ;D xxxx

Wellwell

I have a science mock exam tomorrow so I've been revising for a while.
And I feel really shit and I just want my best friend to notice me but he never does anymore it feels like he just can't be bothered with me. I can never ever say these things to him.
I really wish I could. I hate myself for keeping it to myself.

Everything just feels so wrong right now and everyone is changing.
I'm finding stuff about one of my friends that I thought I never would of before. I don't normally mind change and just get on with my life, but this time I'm scared about what the change may bring.

And my best friend is fixed on getting his old friendship group from last year back together and have them back and it just makes me feel so unwanted and not good enough for him. He doesn't realise how much it hurts me when he says that.
I hope one I do eventually drift away from him he misses me like fuck and I won't ever come back to him. I want that so badly.

I just wish everyone would just fuck off out of my life right now.
But I don't really mean it.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Yes everything is a bit poo again.
I feel like I actually have to do anything to be close to my so called best friend. I can't take it.

Stuff just is never really good now a days.

Bad mood

I'm in a mood where I think would anyone actually, generally care if I wasn't here anymore.
I would like to see their reactions if I did just leave or die.
I always have the option of moving to Australia and I could like now if I wanted. I wonder would people care?

I always

have to make the fucking effort with you, you fucking arsehole.
I actually can't be arsed.
I can't stop crying I want you to care for me and ask me whats wrong when I'm upset but all you do is talk about getting high and your new hoe.

I CAN'T TAKE IT.
PLEASE JUST WORRY ABOUT ME.

My eventful evening

Well everyone is fighting.
Because of one person.
It's horrible.
Making me so upset, I'm crying.

I fucking tired to be nice, no point. Fuck it to be honest.

mmmmmmmm

do you like hurting me so?
I don't understand, your in a horrible mood so you make me feel like shit as well. Hardly fair is it? Well you don't give a shit so it doesn't matter.

Anyway on a lighter note.
Me and my bestest Thea are doing a story together we have decided it's something to do in our spare time. Thea is going to write one chapter and I'll write the nextt.
I can't wait to get it tomorrow, as Thea has started the first chapter :)

I'm also writing a script for media coursework, I don't think it's too bad. I won't say what it's about because it sounds really stupid.

Urrr anyway, more followers pleaseee and thankyou :)

Things

with Cameron have looked up.
Everything is amazingly lovely and I feel great tonight.

I do love my best friend with all my heart, even with these stupid fights.

Everyone

please search up the song, Boats and Birds by The Scene Aesthetic.
The most sweetest, amazing song I've ever heard like ever.
DO IT LIKE NOW!

I keep

thinking about what I was about to send to him last night and I really wish I had done now.
But in a way I know I wouldn't anyway.
But we're talking again like everything is fine.

So one of my best friends she had her boyfriend over last night and she was telling me how it was obvsious that he wanted more than she is ready for. She is only fifteen and I hate the pressure that sex and love is putting onto us. All the girls in my year at school are bragging about sex and this and that and I'm like why do we all have to start doing it now. I feel like I have to and I'm no where near ready for it.
I hate all this growing up and such. Aahhhh dammit.

Yeah so

You really do treat me like shit sometimes.
I wish you could see how much you hurt me everyday and how many tears I have cried about you. But it doesn't matter because, I'm meant to be your best friend you say sorry and everything is fine right?
Well it is with me, because I'm so fucking scared of loosing you. One of the biggest fears I could ever have. The things to do to me make me so upset but I just brush them a side and pretend nothing has happened. Because I love you too much, your my best friend. I may just be a paranoid little fucker but it's the way I am. I'm sorry for causing so much trouble for you cause I feel like I always do. I feel like you never want me to be around. I hate it when you ignore me basically all day even though I'm meant to be your 'best friend'.
But in the end you know that it doesn't matter, cause I'll forgive you.
I want you to care and worry about me, I want you to cuddle me when I'm upset like today for example. But no ignored me instead.
I wish I could tell you these things but I won't because I'll be deleting this when I'm done. I'm even too scared to send this to you because I know you'll flip at me.
I'm just waiting for you to speak to me on msn and make me feel better. But now a days all you care about is your new 'gash'. Oh I can't be fucked.
But oh do I love you, and you know that.

This is an deleted email I was going to send to Cameron about how insecure and unhappy I am with him.
He is the reason I feel like this.

:/

This song completely explains my mood after a real shit day today;

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something.

So yeah real shit.