Big time whoaaa

Well last night I was just going about my business on the laptop and I saw that Mattie had left me a comment on Bebo.
And it read 'Jess must unblock Mattie, so he can tell you something important.'
So I was like uh okay...

I sat there staring at his name thinking does he really deserve to be unblocked. He treated me like shit when all I ever wanted was to be nice to him and be his friend, I've always been there for him 100%.

But I was like, okay I'll just unblock him and see what he has to say and then block him again. As I thought it was easier for me just to block him out of my life all together rather than try and fail with him.

So the conversation went like this; (It may be a bit long by the way).

Mattie: Hello young Jessica. (¬¬)
Me: Hi.
Mattie: I'm sorry for being a total nob kays.
Me: You say sorry and then it'll just go back to how it was again.
What's the point?
Mattie: But I have reasons, which I shouldn't tell you.
But I will.
Me: Okay?
Mattie: Like, the thing is. I need to push you away, because I love as you love me but I'm scared I'll begin to love you too much if you get me.
(Me and Mattie have had a thing before and he has never really got over it.)
Me: And why would that happen? I thought we got past the stage of like liking each other?
Mattie: I don't know Jess, it just happens and I want to tell you. But I'm scared that it'll ruin our friendship and shit. But I thought as you hate me right now I may as well go for it. It's like a 50/50 thing.
Me: It would never ruin our friendship and I don't hate you. I was just really pissed off.
Mattie: How come it wouldn't ruin our relationship? I thought it would be all awkward, considering you're over feeling the same way e.t.c.
Me: Because I wouldn't let it, I never feel awkward around you. So are you saying you did start to like me again? Or you were scared you were gonna?
Mattie: I think I'm starting too =/
(This is when I thought OHH SHIT.)
Me: But how can you? You never talk to me anymore, let alone see me.
Mattie: But it's just the feeling Jess. I listen to things and they remind me of you e.t.c and it's really weird.
Me: In a way that is really sweet.
(Made me go aawwww a bit.)

Skip a bit of the conversation..

Mattie: You don't feel the same why anymore do you? I don't think you do but just asking.
Me: You know what after that amazing day when we spoke for ages, just me and you I thought I did a bit. But now I don't think, sorry.
Mattie: I thought not. No chance of trying or shall I just leave it?
Me: I want things to go back to normal, but they won't will they?
Mattie: Hmmm I don't know.

Skipping a bit...

Me: If you want to talk to me again or not. We may as well stop now, if you don't want to.
Mattie: I do want to Jess, I really do. More than anything in the world.
Me: You think the solution to the problem is to push me away and blank me. It really hurt Mattie.
Mattie: I really wanna try and stuff believe me, But I don't know. I just think you think it's going to be a waste of time.
(Nice to know what he thinks of me, he didn't quite word that right :L, so I said this...)
Me: I don't get it why would I think it's gonna be a waste of time. You make me out to be a bitch.
Mattie: Sorry I didn't mean it like that. All I'm saying is everything deserves a second chance, cause Jess we know each other a lot more and stuff so I wanna try, it's up to you. I just want you to think.
(It's true when we first went out like a year ago, we'd only known each other for like 2 weeks or so. Now we know each other wayyy too well.)

Skip a bit moree...

Mattie: I just want this between me and you okay?
Me: Okay then.
Mattie: And I promise if you think this over and it's a no, we'll still be friends.
And if you do say yes can we keep it between us for a little while and just see how it goes.

I found this a bit strange but it kinda makes sense.
But I don't think I could ever think of him in that way again and if we did get together and split for some reason we won't be friends again and it'll be awkward.
Oh I don't know what to do.

Someone please help me decide.